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Comparing the last century to this one, it is prominent that the overweight has become a dramatic issue

Comparing the last century to this one, it is prominent that the overweight has become a dramatic issue Bl0J5
Comparing the last century to this one, it is prominent that the overweight has become a dramatic issue. It affects every sphere of people’s lives: Economy, society, healthcare. Unfortunately, the reasons for these are the lack of physical activities, the frequent absorption of junk food, also, it can be genetical. This essay will examine the reasons for obesity and the main effects of this epidemic. In my point of view, people started to take less care of their health. The problem with overweight decreases their average life expectancy, therefore, it is enormously dangerous issue. Furthermore, fat masses have an impact on brain abilities. It was proved by scientists, that people with obesity obtains worse results in logical and creative tests, consequently, it is harder for them to get a better education and even jobs. In addition, very frequently people with the overweight are trying to justify themselves with the ‘body positive’, which was created to improve lives of disable individuals. Meanwhile, this direction is being propaganda in various social networks and instead of being involved in sports and healthy life style, people retain their wrong mindset. In terms of effects of this adversity, it has a tremendous influence on the economy, society and culture. While people continue being overweight, their value in the world decreases. As it was said, their mind abilities diminish which is causing unemployment and laziness among them. Additionally, it is extremely harmful for the society, as it creates the wrong mindset between people which destroys the humanity. Moreover, culture disappears, in spite of doing sports, people start to spend their spare times on eating junk food and watching television. In conclusion, the problem with the obesity is still essential now, it has an impact on the most important spheres of the society, it destroys the humanity and decreases the average life expectancy, hence, this problem should be eradicated as soon as possible.
Comparing the last century to this one, it is prominent that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
has become a dramatic issue. It affects every sphere of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
: Economy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, healthcare. Unfortunately, the reasons for these are the lack of physical activities, the frequent absorption of junk food,
also
, it can be
Possible spelling mistake found.
genetical
. This essay will examine the reasons for obesity and the main effects of this epidemic.

In my point of view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to take less care of their health. The problem with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
decreases their average life expectancy,
therefore
, it is
enormously
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
issue.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
masses have an impact on brain abilities. It
was proved
by scientists, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with obesity obtains worse results in logical and creative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
,
consequently
, it is harder for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a better education and even jobs.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
frequently
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
are trying to justify themselves with the ‘body
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
’, which
was created
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of disable individuals. Meanwhile, this direction is being propaganda in various social networks and
instead
of
being involved
in sports and healthy life style,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
retain their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
mindset.

In terms of effects of this adversity, it has a tremendous influence on the economy,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and culture. While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
continue being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
, their value in the world decreases. As it
was said
, their mind abilities diminish which is causing unemployment and laziness among them.
Additionally
, it is
extremely
harmful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, as it creates the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
mindset between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
the humanity.
Moreover
, culture disappears,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
doing sports,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to spend their spare times on eating junk food and watching television.

In conclusion
, the problem with the obesity is
still
essential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, it has an impact on the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
spheres of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroys
the humanity and decreases the average life expectancy,
hence
, this problem should
be eradicated
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible.
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IELTS essay Comparing the last century to this one, it is prominent that the overweight has become a dramatic issue

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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