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Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. To what extent do you agree?

Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities. 21Mk
Nowadays, the number of facilities have increased if we compare than before, like social and sport facilities. There is argument tell us companies have responsibility for local communities to build place for sports and social amenities. I believe the cooperation companies from sports and social facilities procurement with local communities that will help them to improve the quality of their live. First, companies have had problem do not know how to spend their CSR budget for what. Improving social and sports amenities for local people is the brilliant idea to solve companies problem about their CSR budget. Beside that, local communities will have a place for doing sports and have proper place for socialize with their partner or friend. For instance, company A have reported their annual expenditure to auditor, and numerous cases that company A have is their CSR budget always tiny and they did not fulfill their obligation to improve local communities with CSR. Second, Furthermore, due to local people have not had appropriate place for sport and socialize, they always did it on the danger place, such as hill, river, and others. Owing to the fact that, the enormous number of death is in local area. In conclusion, the CSR budget that companies have can be linked to necessary in the local area, especially the necessity for local and sports facilities. I am full agree with this method to raising local area amenities and solution for enterprises to spend their budget wisely.
Nowadays, the number of facilities have increased if we compare than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities. There is argument
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have responsibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
amenities. I believe the cooperation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "facilities'" or "facility's"?
facilities
procurement with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have had problem do not know how to spend their CSR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
for what. Improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
amenities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
the brilliant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to solve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
problem about their CSR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
. Beside that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
will have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and have proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for socialize with their partner or friend.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
Did you mean "I"?
A
have reported their annual expenditure to auditor, and numerous cases that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
A have is their CSR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
always
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
tiny and
they did not fulfill their obligation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communities
with CSR.

Second,
Furthermore
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have not had appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and socialize, they always did it on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, such as hill, river,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
. Owing to the fact that, the enormous number of death is in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
area.

In conclusion
, the CSR
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
have can
be linked
to necessary in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
area,
especially
the necessity for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities. I am full
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this method to raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
area amenities and solution for enterprises to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
budget
wisely
.
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IELTS essay Companies should provide sports and social facilities for local communities.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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