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Companies should encourage old employees (55 years old) to retire, in order to give opportunities to the new generation. Do you agree and disagree?

Companies should encourage old employees (55 years old) to retire, in order to give opportunities to the new generation. Do you agree and disagree? oVGwb
It is a controversial debate in rich countries, retirement ages a complex issue for government and private sectors. Companies should reduce aged employers to crafting more opportunities for the young generation. I completely disagree with this argument, although, it cannot be denied that youth will do this kind of job with more enthusiasm and creativity however seniors have hands-on experience. To begin with, youngsters are the future of all nations because they are energetic and motivated rather than seniors who spend a great amount of time their life the same task. Moreover, the old employers have fear they do not want to risk creating something new or, innovative this is because for the last decades support stability than creativity and risk. However, youth more energetic and heavy -the workload will be effortless for them. For instance, new kids do plentiful of tasks and are energetic during a day, it will be not perfectly done but the old employee cannot do all this during the day who are required too much time to complete it. Despite this, seniors have more experience than youth and it plays a paramount role in why companies do not want to retire their hands-on experience. Although, we cannot disregard the fact that they are veterans and know their work like five fingers moreover they can teach youngsters to be a well-rounded employee. For example. Steve Jobs the father of the ‘’APPLE’’ company which dominated with its quality, however, successfully running this company supplied a myriad of people with work and motivation. In addition, it would be better if seniors share their knowledge and experience with the young generation before retirement it will lead to a flourishing society. In conclusion, in spite of the great amount of energy and power the young should get support from aged people who need not retire.
It is a controversial debate in rich countries, retirement ages a complex issue for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and private sectors.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
aged employers to crafting more opportunities for the young generation. I completely disagree with this argument, although, it cannot
be denied
that youth will do this kind of job with more enthusiasm and creativity
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
have hands-on experience.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, youngsters are the future of all nations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are energetic and motivated
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
who spend a great amount of time their life the same task.
Moreover
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
employers have fear they do not want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
creating something new or, innovative this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
for the last decades support stability than creativity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.
However
, youth more energetic and heavy -the workload will be effortless for them.
For instance
, new kids do plentiful of tasks and are energetic during a day, it will be not
perfectly
done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
employee cannot do all this during the day who
are required
too much time to complete it.

Despite this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
have more experience than youth and it plays a paramount role in why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
do not want to retire their hands-on experience. Although, we cannot disregard the fact that they are veterans and know their work like five fingers
moreover
they can teach youngsters to be a well-rounded employee.
For example
. Steve Jobs the father of the ‘’APPLE’’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which dominated with its quality,
however
,
successfully
running this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
supplied a myriad of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with work and motivation.
In addition
, it would be better if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
seniors
share their knowledge and experience with the young generation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
retirement it will lead to a flourishing society.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
the great amount of energy and power the young should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
support from aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who need not retire.
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IELTS essay Companies should encourage old employees (55 years old) to retire, in order to give opportunities to the new generation. Do you agree and disagree?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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