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Companies are paring with schools, what are causes

Companies are paring with schools, what are causes m57MO
These days, companies, as well as restaurants, are dealing with schools in order to grab more customers and to increase the sale of their fast food. It will have adverse effects on both children and parents because of not only the impact on children^s health but also the wallet of the parent. The aforementioned scenario can make children unhealthy. This is because earlier they were consuming fast food only when they were going to market either with parents or friends however, schools are now offering them so they can eat whenever they want or whenever other classmates will ask to eat. For example, had pizza not available in schools, one of my friends, Disha, would be fit as a fiddle as she was before. This will ultimately result in serious diseases like obesity, blood pressure, problem in breathing and cardinal issues. Besides this, it will cause a monetary burden on parents. The reason behind this is that school-going pupils will demand their parents more money than before, and parents are forced to give them money for the sake of their child^s reputation. To prove, in an experiment performed on DPS( Delhi public school), it was revealed that, 43 out of 50 parents are giving more than 3000 rupees per day after Macdonald tied up with the school. Consequently, the working hours of parents are increased since now they have to earn more than before, and family time has been decreased. To recapitulate, owing to severe effect on child^s health and extra burden on parents the tie-up of companies with the school have repercussions.
These days,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
as well
as restaurants, are dealing with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in order to grab more customers and to increase the sale of their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food. It will have adverse effects on both children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the impact on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children^s
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the wallet of the parent.

The aforementioned scenario can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
children unhealthy. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
earlier they were consuming
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they were going to market either with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
or friends
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
offering them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can eat whenever they want or whenever other classmates will ask to eat.
For example
, had pizza not available in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, one of my friends,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Disha
, would
be fit
as a fiddle as she was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. This will
ultimately
result in serious diseases like obesity, blood pressure, problem in breathing and cardinal issues.

Besides
this, it will cause a monetary burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. The reason behind this is that school-going pupils will demand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
more money than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are forced
to give them money for the sake of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
child^s
reputation. To prove, in an experiment performed on DPS
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
Delhi public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school)
, it
was revealed
that, 43 out of 50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are giving more than 3000 rupees per day after Macdonald tied up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
Consequently
, the working hours of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are increased
since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
earn more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, and family time has
been decreased
.

To recapitulate, owing to severe effect on
Possible spelling mistake found.
child^s
health and extra burden on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
the tie-up of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have repercussions.
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IELTS essay Companies are paring with schools, what are causes

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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