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Companies and colleagues should help their employees and students to be fit and healthy. Disscuss the advantages and disadvantages and gove your own opinion.

Companies and colleagues should help their employees and students to be fit and healthy. Disscuss the advantages and disadvantages and gove your own opinion. gGGgg
Companies and co-workers are thought to be responsible for the health and fitness of their workers with contribution. While there might be truth in this statement, I am of the opinion that employees, themselves, should be in charge of their own health. One the one hand, providing employees with presentative services in their sick days can bring a lot of benefits both for companies and employees. For instance, if a poor worker is ill and he takes a sick off in order to be treated at home, this may stop the company's productivity as well as work performance. However, should the company donate some money for the worker as to facilitate him making him able to take medical treatment instead of waiting him for a long time to overcome his illness, this may help the worker get over difficulties and he can return his work and continue contributing the profit of the company by working efficiently again. On the other hand, if a company is always accountable for all the workers health and devote money all the time, workers are likely to get accustomed to it, which means, they might even start to pretent as though they are ill and charge the company with no illness. This really has an adverse effect on the company's budget and it is likely to lose income on account of its employees' fabrication. In conclusion, although companies should support their employees in the wake of effective job result, they ought to be alert lest their employees should cheat them.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Companies
and co-workers are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
to be responsible for the health and fitness of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
with contribution. While there might be truth in this statement, I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
, themselves, should be in charge of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
health.
Did you mean "on"?
One
the one hand, providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
presentative
services in their sick days can bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits both for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
For instance
, if a poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
is
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ill and
he takes a sick off in order to
be treated
at home, this may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's productivity
as well
as work performance.
However
, should the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
donate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
money for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
as to facilitate him making him able to take medical treatment
instead
of waiting him for a long time to overcome his illness, this may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
over
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
difficulties and
he can return his work and continue contributing the profit of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
by working
efficiently
again.
On the other hand
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
is always accountable for all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
health and devote money all the time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accustomed to it, which means, they might even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
pretent
as though they are ill and charge the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
with no illness. This
really
has an adverse effect on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's budget and it is likely to lose income on account of its employees' fabrication.
In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should support their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in the wake of effective job result, they ought to be alert lest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
should cheat them.
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IELTS essay Companies and colleagues should help their employees and students to be fit and healthy. Disscuss the advantages and disadvantages and gove your own opinion.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
255 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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