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Some people say the Government should not put money into building theaters and sports stadiums; they should spend more money on medical care and education. v.1

Some people say the Government should not put money into building theaters and sports stadiums; they should spend more money on medical care and education. v. 1
What would the world be like without Shakespeare or the Olympics? While medical care and education are perhaps the highest causes to which money can be contributed, the arts and athletics are in some ways just as valuable. So, to ask the government to not extend support to these two areas could be just as detrimental to the welfare of society as the lack of sufficient health care and education. The Romans believed in “Mens sana in corpore sano”, usually translated as "a sound mind in a sound body". In short, that there is indeed a correlation between a healthy body and healthy mind. When we are healthy, we feel better and so are more likely to be productive academically. Plus, the practice of sports can also teach us the very same discipline we need for our studies. Why even a brisk walk or watching an exciting athletic match can refresh the mind for greater work. Moreover, sports can serve to create healthier bodies, which in turn would serve as a form of “preventive medicine” thereby cutting down on medical costs. In the same vein, the arts are known to induce a sense of well-being in performers and audience alike, reducing mental problems and their associated physical manifestations and again, medical costs. As such, building theatres and stadiums, which spur interest in the arts and sports respectively, actually would be practically identical to spending money on medical care and education! Now I realise the question specifically addresses the building of theatres and sports stadiums by the government. Some people would contend athletics and the arts can still be enjoyed and practised without such constructions. I would assert that these buildings stand as the altars to the sports and art worlds, inspiring would-be athletes and performers. Without such venues where would sports spectators and music aficionados be able to enjoy these events? Now some other people would also say business could support their construction, but we know the avarice of business could very likely jeopardise the lofty spirit of athletics and the arts just as well. Therefore, allowing the government to retain some say in the matter on behalf of the people would, I believe, be in the best interest of the people. In short, as long as the government does no go overboard in its expenditures for these buildings and uses such venues for the benefit of all, then, as mentioned above, people will benefit in terms of both medical care and education as well. This is not to say the government should neglect medical care and education, but rather to think of this not as an either-or choice but as a win-win situation for all.
What would the world be like without Shakespeare or the Olympics? While
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and education are perhaps the highest causes to which money can
be contributed
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and athletics are in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ways
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as valuable.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, to ask the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to not extend support to these two areas could be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as detrimental to the welfare of society as the lack of sufficient health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and education.

The Romans believed in “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mens
Possible spelling mistake found.
sana
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
corpore
Possible spelling mistake found.
sano
”,
usually
translated as
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
a sound mind in a sound body
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
. In short, that there is
indeed
a correlation between a healthy body and healthy mind. When we are healthy, we feel better and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
are more likely to be productive
academically
. Plus, the practice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can
also
teach us the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
same discipline we need for our studies. Why even a brisk walk or watching an exciting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletic
match can refresh the mind for greater work.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
can serve to create healthier bodies, which in turn would serve as a form of “preventive medicine” thereby cutting down on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
costs. In the same vein, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are known
to induce a sense of well-being in performers and audience alike, reducing mental problems and their associated physical manifestations and again,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
costs. As such,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and stadiums, which spur interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
respectively
, actually would be
practically
identical to spending money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and education!

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
I
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
the question
specifically
addresses the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
stadiums by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would contend athletics and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
can
still
be enjoyed
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'practised' is British English.
practised
without such constructions. I would assert that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
stand as the altars to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
worlds, inspiring would-be athletes and performers. Without such venues where would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "sport"
sports
spectators and music aficionados be able to enjoy these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
?
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
also
say business could support their construction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we know the avarice of business could
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely
Possible spelling mistake. 'jeopardise' is British English.
jeopardise
the lofty spirit of athletics and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as well
.
Therefore
, allowing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to retain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
say in the matter on behalf of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would, I believe, be in the best interest of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In short, as long as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does no go overboard in its expenditures for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
such venues for the benefit of all, then, as mentioned above,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will benefit in terms of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and education
as well
. This is not to say the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should neglect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
and education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
rather
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of this not as an either-or choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
as a win-win situation for all.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
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Persian Proverb

IELTS essay Some people say the Government should not put money into building theaters and sports stadiums; they should spend more money on medical care and education. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
446 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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