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Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school. v.3

Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school. v. 3
I can not completely agree with the statement that classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. In this essay, I will first focus on the reasons why I agree with this statement and then list a few points why from my opinion in some cases is not true. From the one side, classmates have a significant influence on child's behaviour and his or her success in school. First of all, children spend much time at school. Classmates have many things in common such as age, interests, homework and classes after all. So, they discuss their impressions about a new teacher, solve problems together, learn their homework, gain new knowledge and experience and even make their own discoveries. Sharing all these makes them closer. Some of them become friends and they spend after-school time together. In addition, friends tend to copy each other's habits and manners. For instance, my little sister became friends with the girl who did not have good grades at school at that time. It does not mean she could not have better grades; she just had many friends who did not care about their grades. So, when they started to spend their time together and share their interests, girl's grades improved. They did their homework together, shared their dreams and exciting moments. From this point, I must agree that classmates can change child’s attitude towards school. From the other side, parents have a great influence on children' success in school too. For example, if parents show an interest in their child's progress and talk to him or her about the importance of learning I think their child will listen to them and do his or her best. Personally, I believe that relationships between parents and a child play an essential role in child's success in school. If these relationships are close and wholehearted I am sure that parents should not be afraid of bad influence from the outside.
I can not completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
are a more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In this essay, I will
first
focus on the reasons why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and then list a few points why from my opinion in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases is not true.

From the one side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
have a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, children spend much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Classmates
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things in common such as age, interests, homework and classes
after all
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they discuss their impressions about a new teacher, solve problems together, learn their homework, gain new knowledge and experience and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
discoveries. Sharing all these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them closer.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
of them become
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
friends and
they spend after-school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
tend to copy each other's habits and manners.
For instance
, my
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
sister became
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with the girl who did not have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It does not mean she could not have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
; she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
who did not care about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
together and share their interests, girl's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grades
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
. They did their homework together, shared their dreams and exciting moments. From this point, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
classmates
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
child’s attitude towards school.

From the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have a great
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
on children'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
too.
For example
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an interest in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
progress and talk to him or her about the importance of learning I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
their child will listen to them and do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
best.

Personally
, I believe that relationships between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and a child play an essential role in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
success
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. If these relationships are close and wholehearted I am sure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should not be afraid of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
influence
from the outside.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
328 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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