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City-living in the 21st century is stressful and offers no advantages. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

City-living in the 21st century is stressful and offers no advantages. with this statement? kGNd
At the present era, "city" is the most popular and interesting place to live as well as population is being increased day by day. However, there are many issues which are faced by citizens in today's life owing to stressful and busy life schedule. So I would like to discuss my view with agreement in a detail. My view which asserts that, "city-life" is too stressful can be substantiated with a couple of reasons. The most common observation in this matter is that many people migrate from their home town to city. It is a gospel truth that almost everyone has an active schedule owing to education, work, family responsibilities and many more. As a consequence, the apparent outcome is that people are getting stressed easily as well as they can't spend enough time with their near and dears. Furthermore the fact that, "metro life" offers no more advantages to citizen, can also be taken into my order to reinforce my view. Moreover, There are so many competitions in every sectors, due to increasing of migration and population, which cannot be ignored. That is why city municipality cannot offer advantages and also facilities as well as growth in economy is not enough. As a result, citizens cannot find opportunity and facilities easily everywhere. In sharp contrast the former group, there is a wide spread belief that, Some citizen live very satisfied life-style in the city area because they are getting good facilities which make their life easier and stressless. This leads to a promising outcome as people can live their beneficial life with less stress because they are getting facilities from the work such as medical insurance, extra bonus salary of overtime, educational expense for their child. To recapitulate, "City-life" is more suitable for those who has good facilities and opportunities to live as well as who can afford those expenses, otherwise people should not move to city area with less income. I hope that government will provide opportunities and some facilities which gives a good life for those who are migrating from rural area, so that stress may will be reduced for more citizen than present. Additionally, workload would be maintained in the future owing to increasing technology.
At the present era,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
city
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
is the most popular and interesting place to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as population is
being increased
day by day.
However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues which
are faced
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
owing to stressful and busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
schedule.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I would like to discuss my view with agreement in a detail.

My view which asserts that,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
city-life
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
is too stressful can
be substantiated
with a couple of reasons. The most common observation in this matter is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
migrate from their home town to city. It is a gospel truth that almost everyone has an active schedule owing to education, work, family responsibilities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. As a consequence, the apparent outcome is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
easily
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as they can't spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time with their near and dears.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Furthermore
the fact that,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
metro life
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
offers no more advantages to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
, can
also
be taken
into my order to reinforce my view.
Moreover
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
competitions in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "sector"?
sectors
, due to increasing of migration and population, which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.
That is
why city municipality cannot offer advantages and
also
facilities as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as growth in economy is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizens
cannot find opportunity and facilities
easily
everywhere.

In sharp contrast the former group, there is a wide spread belief that,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
Did you mean "citizens"?
citizen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
satisfied life-style in the city area
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are getting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
facilities which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easier and
Possible spelling mistake found.
stressless
. This leads to a promising outcome as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
their beneficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are getting facilities from the work such as medical insurance, extra bonus salary of overtime, educational expense for their child.

To recapitulate,
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
City-life
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
is more suitable for those who has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
facilities and opportunities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as who can afford those expenses,
otherwise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to city area with less income. I hope that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will provide opportunities and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
facilities which gives a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for those who are migrating from rural area,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
may will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
for more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
citizen
than present.
Additionally
, workload would
be maintained
in the future owing to increasing technology.
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IELTS essay City-living in the 21st century is stressful and offers no advantages. with this statement?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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