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Cities are getting big and overcrowded. Give some CAUSES and suggest the SOLUTIONS needed. v.1

Cities are getting big and overcrowded. Give some CAUSES and suggest the SOLUTIONS needed. v. 1
To begin with, the number of extents cities is getting higher and higher, which results in a variety of deleterious outcomes. As a result, adolescents are under an obligation to come up with some potential measures. In the first place, the environmental pollution has an overwhelmingly detrimental impact on the youth. Almost every day they suffer from the exhausts from a sheer volume of cars and motorbikes when the city is brought into a complete standstill; indeed, so contaminated is the atmosphere that the living condition is disastrously damaged. Despite the enormously increasing money, the cost of living's considerable decrease was provoked by the inferior quality of food and water, causing a great number of diseases such as cancer and food poisoning on the grounds of the catastrophic chemicals. What is more, young city dwellers have to put up with not only the destructive pollution but also the alarming isolation. Due to the busy life and the growth of social networks, parents are hardly spending sufficient time with their children feeling lonely and detached. In the second place, these issues are capable of being solved with a lot of solutions. The air quality of the urban areas can be improved effectively provided that every citizen goes to work by public transports, namely bus, underground train, . . . Furthermore, the government is suggested opening and expanding the renewable road to make the movements much easier. To comprehensively clear up the harmful food and water, fertilizers and pesticides must be reduced immediately. Last but not least, grownups have the duty to friendly communicate with their offspring with a view to keeping them companied, so that they perceive love. In brief, the dramatic development of big cities is a double-edged sword, for the tolerance of people with the damaging disputes consisting of the pollution and loneliness. This situation goes from bad to worse; thus, everybody must put a stop to it.
To
begin
with, the number of extents
cities
is getting higher and higher, which results in a variety of deleterious outcomes.
As a result
, adolescents are under an obligation to
come
up with
some
potential measures.

In the
first
place, the environmental pollution has an
overwhelmingly
detrimental impact on the youth. Almost every day they suffer from the exhausts from a sheer volume of cars and motorbikes when the city
is brought
into a complete standstill;
indeed
,
so
contaminated is the atmosphere that the living condition is
disastrously
damaged. Despite the
enormously
increasing money, the cost of living's considerable decrease
was provoked
by the inferior quality of food and water, causing a great number of diseases such as cancer and food poisoning on the grounds of the catastrophic chemicals.
What is more
, young city dwellers
have to
put up with not
only
the destructive pollution
but
also
the alarming isolation. Due to the busy life and the growth of social networks, parents are hardly spending sufficient time with their children feeling lonely and detached.

In the second place, these issues are capable of
being solved
with
a lot of
solutions. The air quality of the urban areas can be
improved
effectively
provided that every citizen goes to work by public transports,
namely
bus, underground train
, .
.
.
Furthermore
, the
government
is suggested
opening and expanding the renewable road to
make
the movements much easier. To
comprehensively
clear
up the harmful food and water, fertilizers and pesticides
must
be
reduced
immediately. Last
but
not least, grownups have the duty to friendly communicate with their offspring with a view to keeping them
companied
,
so
that they perceive
love
.

In brief
, the dramatic development of
big
cities
is a double-edged sword, for the tolerance of
people
with the damaging disputes consisting of the pollution and loneliness. This situation goes from
bad
to worse;
thus
, everybody
must
put a
stop
to it.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay Cities are getting big and overcrowded. Give some CAUSES and suggest the SOLUTIONS needed. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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