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clothes according to, traditions and people's behaviour

clothes according to, traditions and people's behaviour aqA37
In the contemporary era full of changing people start to wear non-traditional clothes, as it was dozens of years ago representing traditions and values of their nation. From my perspective of view, it is a positive effect for the diversity of cultures, the reason is that people become closer to each other and at the same time they do not forget about the culture. Discussing positive aspects of changing customized wearings to modern trends, it is paramount to mention that people remember about their traditions and follow the main celebrations and restrictions, but the clothes are only a tool of expression by appearance and do not deal with traditions. Moreover, with global developments more and more people become cosmopolitans - citizens of not only one country, but every country in the world, which means they feel at home in any state. And the common everyday look of them takes a huge part in that state of mind. Every year more and more people from the wildest places start to get an education and other equal rights and opportunities and to be closer to other civilians, they start to take their habits and clothes. As mentioned before, such changes positively affect small societies and change their behaviour most commonly and appropriately, however, it is not the only great impact on the whole world. The same, well-known appearance without balaclavas and long dresses have a good impact on reducing the plethora of cases dealing with racism and people are stopped to be judged according to nationality, as it was in the II World War and there are fewer stereotypes based on it. To sum up, everything that has been started so far, the XXI century is having a great impact on people's behaviour, their decisions, thoughts and beliefs. Citizens start to value others’ traditions and at the same time, they pay less attention to differences between nations.
In the contemporary era full of changing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to wear non-traditional clothes, as it was dozens of years ago representing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and values of their nation. From my perspective of view, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect for the diversity of cultures, the reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become closer to each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
and at the same time they do not forget about the culture.

Discussing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects of changing customized wearings to modern trends, it is paramount to mention that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
remember about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and follow the main celebrations and restrictions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the clothes are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a tool of expression by appearance and do not deal with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
.
Moreover
, with global developments more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become cosmopolitans
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
citizens of not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one country,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
every country in the world, which means they feel at home in any state. And the common everyday look of them takes a huge part in that state of mind. Every year more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from the wildest places
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an education and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
equal rights and opportunities and to be closer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
civilians, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to take their habits and clothes.

As mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
positively
affect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
societies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
most
commonly
and
appropriately
,
however
, it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
great impact
on the whole
world. The same, well-known appearance without balaclavas and long dresses have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact on reducing the plethora of cases dealing with racism and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
to
be judged
according to nationality, as it was in the II World War and there are fewer stereotypes based on it.

To sum up, everything that has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, the XXI century is having a great impact on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, their decisions, thoughts and beliefs. Citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
start
to value others’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditions
and at the same time, they pay less attention to differences between nations.
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IELTS essay clothes according to, traditions and people's behaviour

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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