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Children's leisure activities must be educational.

Children's leisure activities must be educational. QLEl1
Childhood extremely important for human future habit as well as determine the success of their choosen-carrier. One particular activity that must be learned in this period is how to manage time in productive way. For those reasone I do agree that child mus be educate for how the will used their leisure time in term of duration and type of activity that must, consider or not to be done. Young people tend to do everyting they like without considering the amount of time used already. If parent ignore it, it is possible that the kids becoming addicted with such avtivity and refuse to others. Addiction not only dengerous mentally but also physically. For example in case of game addiction, kids who play mobile game over tend will affect thier muscle motions cousing muscle weekness and uncontroll mobility in their finger nail. Type of activity as well as time also shoud be regulated because childreens, quick often, don't understand about the consequnces of what ever they done. For instace, kids who play violent games don't a ware that such kind of action can couse injury if they practising in real life. In opposite, children might rejected some task that required them to used their free time for helps other because they think it would sacrifiece his valuable time. In fact, such activity extremely important for them as a part of society. In the end, considering all benefit of educating children to how the manage their leisure time, I recommeded to perform the educational leisure management at early ages.
Childhood
extremely
important
for human future habit
as well
as determine the success of their
choosen-carrier
. One particular
activity
that
must
be learned
in this period is how to manage
time
in productive way. For those
reasone
I do
agree
that child mus be
educate
for how the will
used
their leisure
time
in term of duration and type of
activity
that
must
, consider or not to
be done
. Young
people
tend to do
everyting
they like without considering the amount of
time
used
already. If parent
ignore
it, it is possible that the kids becoming addicted with such
avtivity
and refuse to others. Addiction not
only
dengerous
mentally
but
also
physically
.
For example
in case of game addiction, kids who play mobile game over tend will affect
thier
muscle motions
cousing
muscle
weekness
and
uncontroll
mobility in their finger nail. Type of
activity
as well
as
time
also
shoud
be regulated
because
childreens
, quick
often
, don't understand about the
consequnces
of what ever they done. For
instace
, kids who play violent games don't a ware that such kind of action can
couse
injury if
they practising
in real life. In opposite, children might rejected
some
task that required them to
used
their free
time
for
helps
other
because
they
think
it would
sacrifiece
his valuable
time
. In fact, such
activity
extremely
important
for them as a part of society.
In
the
end
, considering all benefit of educating children to how the manage their leisure
time
, I
recommeded
to perform the educational leisure management at early ages.
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IELTS essay Children's leisure activities must be educational.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
257 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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