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Children's leisure activities must be educational.

Children's leisure activities must be educational. QLEl1
Childhood extremely important for human future habit as well as determine the success of their choosen-carrier. One particular activity that must be learned in this period is how to manage time in productive way. For those reasone I do agree that child mus be educate for how the will used their leisure time in term of duration and type of activity that must, consider or not to be done. Young people tend to do everyting they like without considering the amount of time used already. If parent ignore it, it is possible that the kids becoming addicted with such avtivity and refuse to others. Addiction not only dengerous mentally but also physically. For example in case of game addiction, kids who play mobile game over tend will affect thier muscle motions cousing muscle weekness and uncontroll mobility in their finger nail. Type of activity as well as time also shoud be regulated because childreens, quick often, don't understand about the consequnces of what ever they done. For instace, kids who play violent games don't a ware that such kind of action can couse injury if they practising in real life. In opposite, children might rejected some task that required them to used their free time for helps other because they think it would sacrifiece his valuable time. In fact, such activity extremely important for them as a part of society. In the end, considering all benefit of educating children to how the manage their leisure time, I recommeded to perform the educational leisure management at early ages.
Childhood
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for human future habit
as well
as determine the success of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
choosen-carrier
. One particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be learned
in this period is how to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in productive way. For those
Possible spelling mistake found.
reasone
I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that child mus be
Consider using a past participle here: "educated".
educate
for how the will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in term of duration and type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
, consider or not to
be done
. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to do
Possible spelling mistake found.
everyting
they like without considering the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
already. If parent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
it, it is possible that the kids becoming addicted with such
Possible spelling mistake found.
avtivity
and refuse to others. Addiction not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
Possible spelling mistake found.
dengerous
mentally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
physically
.
For example
in case of game addiction, kids who play mobile game over tend will affect
Possible spelling mistake found.
thier
muscle motions
Possible spelling mistake found.
cousing
muscle
Possible spelling mistake found.
weekness
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
uncontroll
mobility in their finger nail. Type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
also
Possible spelling mistake found.
shoud
be regulated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
childreens
, quick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, don't understand about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
consequnces
of what ever they done. For
Possible spelling mistake found.
instace
, kids who play violent games don't a ware that such kind of action can
Possible spelling mistake found.
couse
injury if
Did you mean "they're practising", "they are practising", or "they were practising"?
they practising
in real life. In opposite, children might rejected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
task that required them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it would
Possible spelling mistake found.
sacrifiece
his valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In fact, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
extremely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them as a part of society.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, considering all benefit of educating children to how the manage their leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I
Possible spelling mistake found.
recommeded
to perform the educational leisure management at early ages.

IELTS essay Children's leisure activities must be educational.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
257 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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