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Children’s behavior in schools is getting worse than before. Explain the causes and effects of this problem and suggest some possible solutions.

Children’s behavior in schools is getting worse than before. Explain the causes and effects of this problem and suggest some possible solutions. g8m5D
It is observed that children in school have worse behavior than before and it can be different causes. I believe, exploring the causes of this problem can assist in finding suitable solutions to resolve it. Computer games and playing children with them could partly account for children’s bad treatment in school. Nowadays, as a result of making exciting, more sales and earning higher revenue, computer game producers try to offer aggressive games. Therefore, it leads to violence in children and showing bad behavior in other places such as schools. To address this issue, parents must control the type of children’s games. Parents can explain the disadvantages of the games to children and decrease playing with them. Leaving children alone at home for a long time can also explain why children are willing to do improper treatments. These days, parents are compelled to work out of the house for a long time on a daily basis because of providing children with more facilities. They always try to boost the quality of their life and pay the cost of living. It brings about staying alone children. From a psychological perspective sense of loneliness causes stress and as a result of it, occurring the improper behaviors of children. If the government reduced the amount of work time for parents, the situation would improve and the family can be more together. To conclude, even though working too much by parents and aggressive computer games contribute to being worse children’s behavior in school, the government and parents can remedy the situation. In my opinion, decreasing the work time of parents and monitoring children and their games are steps in the right direction.
It
is observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
have worse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
causes. I believe, exploring the causes of this problem can assist in finding suitable solutions to resolve it.

Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with them could partly account for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
treatment in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Nowadays,
as a result
of making exciting, more sales and earning higher revenue, computer game producers try to offer aggressive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
Therefore
, it leads to violence in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and showing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
in other places such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. To address this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
control the type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the disadvantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and decrease playing with them.

Leaving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
alone at home for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are willing to do improper treatments. These days,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are compelled
to work out of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on a daily basis
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with more facilities. They always try to boost the quality of their life and pay the cost of living. It brings about staying alone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. From a psychological perspective sense of loneliness causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and
as a result
of it, occurring the improper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behaviors
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
the amount of work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, the situation would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
and the family can be more together.

To conclude
,
even though
working too much by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and aggressive computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
contribute to being worse
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
behavior
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can remedy the situation. In my opinion, decreasing the work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are steps in the right direction.

IELTS essay Children’s behavior in schools is getting worse than before. Explain the causes and effects of this problem and suggest some possible solutions.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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