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Children who misbehave in elementary schools should be paddled. Do you think that it is a good idea to paddle rowdy children? Support your points with specific examples and details.

Children who misbehave in elementary schools should be paddled. Do you think that it is a good idea to paddle rowdy children? Support your points with specific examples and details. MBnxk
People have different points of view about punishing rowdy children. Unfortunately, there are some people who think that paddling a child is a solution for children to learn how to behave properly and I strongly disagree with that idea. Why paddling? There are millions of ways to teach a child manner and still people sometimes choose this kind of way which is the easiest but worst method for a child to learn something. There are many reasons why you should not physically punish children and I will try to explain my position more clearly in the following paragraphs: First of all, I want to say that corporal punishment is not something that any person has right to do. People can not just paddle children if they are out of hand because first of all this is not their fault. If a child is naughty this is his/her family members’ fault. If children see at home that they cannot behave like they want, they will not behave in other places either. Children always do the same thing like their parents and close relatives do. So, I would like to say that if someone should be paddled it should be these people who taught children to misbehave like that. Secondly, I think that there is a huge difference between regular punishment and paddling. Of course, no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes and sometimes regular punishment is needed and there is nothing wrong with limiting things that children love, but paddling may cause a big disagreement between a child and a person who is paddling. Children have different nature from adults and they do not think the same way like adults do and because of corporal punishment people may lose child’s trust and they may hate these people for their whole life. Lastly, I think that paddling children in elementary school is a big mistake. Teachers should be role models for their students not someone who paddles a child for misbehaving. School is a place were children enjoy studying and playing together and because of corporal punishment children may hate it for their whole lives which may demolish their relationships and partly future too. To conclude, I would like to like to say that corporal punishment is not suitable for anyone, especially for children, because they are in a very young age, they adapt everything including behavior from adults and they are not guilty for their misbehave. Paddling a child may cause big trauma for them and destroy their communications between people and most importantly this may affect partly on their future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
points of view about punishing rowdy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Unfortunately, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paddling
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is a solution for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn how to behave
properly
and I
strongly
disagree with that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. Why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paddling
? There are millions of ways to teach a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
manner and
still
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
choose this kind of way which is the easiest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
worst method for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to learn something. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons why you should not
physically
punish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and I will try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my position more
clearly
in the following paragraphs:

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, I want to say that corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is not something that any person has right to do.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
paddle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
if they are out of hand
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
this is not their fault.
“If” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
If
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is naughty this is his/her family members’ fault. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
at home that they cannot behave like they want, they will not behave in other places either.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
always do the same thing
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
like
their parents and close relatives do.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I would like to say that if someone should
be paddled
it should be these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to misbehave like that.

Secondly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that there is a huge difference between regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paddling
.
Of course
, no one is perfect and everyone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
mistakes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is needed
and there is nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
with limiting things that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paddling
may cause a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
disagreement between a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and a person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paddling
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
nature from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
adults and
they do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the same way
Comparison is written 'the same ... "as"'.
like
adults do and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child’s
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
trust and
they may hate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for their whole life.

Lastly
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paddling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in elementary school is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
mistake. Teachers should be role models for their students not someone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
paddles a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
for misbehaving. School is a place were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
enjoy studying and playing together and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may hate it for their whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
which may demolish their relationships and partly future too.

To conclude
, I would
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "like to".
like to like to
say that corporal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is not suitable for anyone,
especially
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age, they adapt everything including behavior from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
adults and
they are not
The usual collocation for "guilty" is "of" not "for". Did you mean "guilty of"?
guilty for
their misbehave.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Paddling
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
trauma for them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their communications between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and most
importantly
this may affect partly on their future.
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Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay Children who misbehave in elementary schools should be paddled. Do you think that it is a good idea to paddle rowdy children? Support your points with specific examples and details.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
431 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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