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children who are brought up in families that do not have large amount of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is often believed that children of a less wealthy family are better adapted to life in their adulthood, in comparison to children of a wealthier family. Adult life challenges are, and their solutions come based upon the experiences of how we handle difficulties while growing up; nonetheless, to this opinion I disagree to a certain degree. When a child grows up in poverty and distress, they face a lot of challenges and hardship. However, those hardships might pave their paths to a brighter future or might destroy their innocence, which is mostly the case. Less money sometimes means a lack of food, which leads to stealing. Stealing, becoming habitual leads to failure in life itself. Then again, poverty means violence in the family; therefore, as a consequence, the child might grow up to be a violent being. Children in poor family, mostly do not attain higher education due to lack of money; even though, a certain amount of teens struggle and make it to higher levels of achievements, then again, the numbers are rather low in percentage. Only if the child can make their way through all the calamities that come as a package with being underprivileged may then be adapted better to life in adulthood. Whereas a child growing up in a wealthy family might acquire all the daily necessities, however, it does not ensure that they can handle problems better. A rich child might become arrogant due to all the resources they have been provided with all their life. Their credibility might go down by arrogance thinking they have it all. On the other hand, a good education may, which a privileged kid can attain easily than a poor kid, may guide them to face challenges and solve them better. In conclusion, ensuring a good adult life and having the credentials to adapt to adult problems are dominated by many factors. Money is essentially one of them, but a person's ability to adapt to hardships can only depend on how they develop themselves.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
believed that children of a less wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
are better adapted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in their adulthood,
in comparison
to children of a wealthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. Adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
challenges are, and their solutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
based upon the experiences of how we handle difficulties while growing up; nonetheless, to this opinion I disagree to a certain degree.

When a
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child
grows up in poverty and distress, they face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
challenges and hardship.
However
, those hardships
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
pave their paths to a brighter future or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
their innocence, which is
mostly
the case. Less money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
means a lack of food, which leads to stealing. Stealing, becoming habitual leads to failure in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
itself. Then again, poverty means violence in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
;
therefore
, as a consequence, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
grow up to be a violent being. Children in poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
mostly
do not attain higher education due to lack of money;
even though
, a certain amount of teens
Possible agreement error. Did you mean “struggles”? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so ‘struggle’ is not always incorrect.)
struggle
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it to higher levels of achievements, then again, the numbers are
rather
low in percentage.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their way through all the calamities that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
as a package with
being underprivileged
may then
be adapted
better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in adulthood.

Whereas a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
growing up in a wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
acquire all the daily necessities,
however
, it does not ensure that they can handle problems better. A rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
become arrogant due to all the resources they have
been provided
with all their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Their credibility
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
go down by arrogance thinking they have it all.
On the other hand
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education may, which a privileged kid can attain
easily
than a poor kid, may guide them to face challenges and solve them better.

In conclusion
, ensuring a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and having the credentials to adapt to adult problems
are dominated
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors. Money is
essentially
one of them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a person's ability to adapt to hardships can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
depend on how they develop themselves.
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IELTS essay children who are brought up in families that do not have large amount of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. with this opinion?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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