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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children today would be happier if they had fewer possessions. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Children today would be happier if they had fewer possessions. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer KwYQ1
Childhood is the age when a person is most curious and want to know about everything and learn everything. Nowadays we see childeren glued to tv screen or laptop screen. A child spent 3-4 hours on these devices almost everyday. This can effect his eyesight. Childrens get so used to these devices or possesions that they feel vulnerable, frustated when they do not have access to these devices. For example, even in my family, my sister's son does not sleep or eat without watching video on television or laptop. And this has become universal we can see it in every other family. If a child has possions of lot of video games and video, he may get addicted to it. Lot of child in US are addicted to it. Even many adults are addicted to video games, parents have to see how much time and money their kids spent on video game. Moreover, if a children remain playing with toys all day, he may become reserved. He might have difficulty making friends as he is involved in his possessions all th time. It is common in Usa that many kids remain glued to tv's, laptops rather than playing in field. Earlier children use to play in grounds when there was not much options available. But it is becoming less and less which can effect on their physical health. Additionaly, if a children has lot of possessions he remains infatuated by those possessions. For example, if a children have lot of toys, he may remain busy playing with those toys whole day rather than spending time playing with friends in field. If children has less toys, He normally spent more time talking with parents about things as he is curious. about world, that helps kids understands different things. Spending time with kids, talking with them is much more important than buying toys. This will also help in better relationship between child and parent.
Childhood is the age when a person is most curious and want to know about everything and learn everything.

Nowadays we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
Possible spelling mistake found.
childeren
glued to
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
screen or laptop screen. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
spent 3-4 hours on these devices almost
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
. This can effect his eyesight.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Childrens
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to these devices or
Possible spelling mistake found.
possesions
that they feel vulnerable,
Possible spelling mistake found.
frustated
when they do not have access to these devices.
For example
, even in my family, my sister's son does not sleep or eat without watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
on television or laptop. And this has become universal we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it in every other family.

If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
has
Possible spelling mistake found.
possions
of
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
games and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
, he may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
addicted to it.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
in US
are addicted
to it. Even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adults
are addicted
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
games, parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and money their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
game.

Moreover
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
all day, he may become reserved. He might have difficulty making friends as he
is involved
in his possessions all
Possible spelling mistake found.
th
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. It is common in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Usa
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remain
glued to
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
's, laptops
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
in field. Earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
play in grounds when there was not
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
options available.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it is becoming less and less which can effect on their physical health.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Additionaly
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of possessions he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remains
infatuated by those possessions.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, he may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remain
busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
whole day
rather
than spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
with friends in field. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun toys is countable.
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
, He
normally
spent more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
talking with parents about things as he is curious.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
about
world, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
understands
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things. Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, talking with them is much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
toys
. This will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in better relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and parent.
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IELTS essay Children today would be happier if they had fewer possessions. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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  • Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Children today would be happier if they had fewer possessions. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer