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Children today would be happier if thery had fewer possessions.

Children today would be happier if thery had fewer possessions. J8nj
In this day and age, we are witnessing a widespread depression epidemic at young ages. Some psychologists argue that owning fewer material possessions can ameliorate kids' well-being. Personally, I firmly agree because happiness does not come from outside factors. In this essay, I will further elaborate on my reasons for believing so. Firstly, when youth focus on having things, they are prone to compare themselves to others. There will always be toys that a child does not have, yet his friends possess; hence, causing jealousy and frustration. Supporting this idea is a recent study conducted by the Hebrew University of Israel that found that individual that grew with many belongings are less content with what they have and more envious of their peers. Furthermore, those negative emotions also indirectly impair happiness by promoting behaviors that alienate friends and families, such as not complimenting others, flaunting wealth, and in extreme cases, even theft. Correspondingly, parents ought to buy fewer toys so as to habituate their boys and girls not to lean on them. Moreover, when people are dependent on outside sources for well-being, they are bound to be more depressed. Happiness is a mental state that was proved to arise from intrinsic sources, like challenging oneself, fulfilling ons' endeavors, and expressing gratitude. Take, for example, a child that exerted himself and received straight A's or praise from his parents for his piano performance. Those experiences are a source not only for enjoyment but for mental health and long-range happiness. Personal effects, however, prompt a brief but addictive pleasure brought forth by the small rush of endorphins; ergo, in the long-term, too many will risk teaching the child to rely on them. Accordingly, some things can indeed be pleasant, whereas an accessive amount might be detrimental. In conclusion, our kids do not have to be monks and focus only on spirituality to be content. Some presents and toys can cause positive emotions and stimulate development; nevertheless, too much can lead to reliance on outside elements and unpleasant feelings and conduct.
In this day and age, we are witnessing a widespread depression epidemic at young ages.
Some
psychologists argue that owning fewer material possessions can ameliorate kids' well-being.
Personally
, I
firmly
agree
because
happiness
does not
come
from outside factors. In this essay, I will
further
elaborate on my reasons for believing
so
.

Firstly
, when youth focus on having things, they are prone to compare themselves to others. There will always be toys that a child does not have,
yet
his friends possess;
hence
, causing jealousy and frustration. Supporting this
idea
is a recent study conducted by the Hebrew University of Israel that found that individual that grew with
many
belongings are less content with what they have and more envious of their peers.
Furthermore
, those
negative
emotions
also
indirectly
impair
happiness
by promoting behaviors that alienate friends and families, such as not complimenting others, flaunting wealth, and in extreme cases, even theft.
Correspondingly
, parents ought to
buy
fewer toys
so as to
habituate their boys and girls not to lean on them.

Moreover
, when
people
are dependent on outside sources for well-being, they
are bound
to be more depressed.
Happiness
is a mental state that
was proved
to arise from intrinsic sources, like challenging oneself, fulfilling
ons
' endeavors, and expressing gratitude. Take,
for example
, a child that exerted himself and received straight A's or praise from his parents for his piano performance. Those experiences are a source not
only
for enjoyment
but
for mental health and long-range
happiness
. Personal effects,
however
, prompt a brief
but
addictive pleasure brought forth by the
small
rush of endorphins; ergo, in the long-term, too
many
will
risk
teaching the child to rely on them.
Accordingly
,
some
things can
indeed
be pleasant, whereas an
accessive
amount might be detrimental.

In conclusion
, our kids do not
have to
be monks and focus
only
on spirituality to be content.
Some
presents and toys can cause
positive
emotions and stimulate development;
nevertheless
, too much can lead to reliance on outside elements and unpleasant feelings and conduct.
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IELTS essay Children today would be happier if thery had fewer possessions.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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