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Children to participate in games, sports and competitions

Children to participate in games, sports and competitions WnWY5
Nowadays, children's participation in sports, games and ludical activities is so important to increase their confidence and their self-esteem, also to encourage children to create relations of friendship and communication that will help them in the future to develop their communicative skills. Motivating children to participe in games, sports o competitions is essential for their psychological development, some parents believe that it is necessary to award a prize for their performance on these activities. On the other hand, other parents believe that is important for children to learn loosing and winning in these type of activites to convey feelings of empathy, responsability and discipline. These two arguments between parents are meaningful because every part has their argumentation of their thoughts. Parents that argument that children's performance must be rewarded explain that children are more motiviated to being part of new activities which reinforces their confidence and self-esteem, also it reduces the chance of being bullied for loosing and it does not affect directly their emotions and feelings. Otherwise, parents who share the idea of practicing sports or games as a way to interrelate with others says that children are good communicators and are able to easily create relations with their partners. Also, they explain that children who enjoy sports, games or ludical activities can develop their feeling of belonging and responsibility. Therefore, there are two points of view of children's performance in sports or games, and both perspectives has their advantages and disadvantage on children's needs, feelings, emotions and on their psychologial, mental and social development.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
participation in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
ludical
activities is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to increase their confidence and their self-esteem,
also
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to create relations of friendship and communication that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in the future to

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
develop
their communicative
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Motivating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
Possible spelling mistake found.
participe
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
o competitions is essential for their psychological development,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe that it is necessary to award a prize for their performance on these activities.

On the other hand
, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
believe
that is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn loosing and winning in these type of
Possible spelling mistake found.
activites
to convey feelings of empathy,
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsability
and discipline. These two arguments between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are meaningful
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every part has their argumentation of their thoughts.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
that argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
performance
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be rewarded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more
Possible spelling mistake found.
motiviated
to being part of new activities which reinforces their confidence and self-esteem,
also
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the chance of
being bullied
for loosing and it does not affect
directly
their emotions and feelings.

Otherwise
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who share the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
as a way to interrelate with others says that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
communicators and are

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
able
to
easily
create relations with their partners.
Also
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
ludical
activities can develop their feeling of belonging and responsibility.

Therefore
, there are two points of view of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
performance in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, and both perspectives has their advantages and disadvantage on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
needs, feelings, emotions and on their
Possible spelling mistake found.
psychologial
, mental and social development.
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IELTS essay Children to participate in games, sports and competitions

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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