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children these days play less and less sport and this is having a bad effect on their health. why do you think this is happening?

children these days play less and less sport and this is having a bad effect on their health. why do you think this is happening? b5Kl
It is not a secret that many children lack of physical activities these day and that’s why they have got plenty of health problems. Therefore, it is crucial, for several reasons, to make some steps for forming healthy lifestyle to prevent further issues. This essay will discuss reasons and possible solutions related to the problem. The main reason for their inactive life is that doing sport is quite expensive and not every parent can afford it, especially if a sport club is located far away from home, parents would pay a lot for the fuel. The second reason is that children are obsessed with cutting-edge technology and they would rather spend all their time watching videos on YouTube or playing games, than keeping fit as well as making friends at the gym. The final reason is that nowadays during the pandemic it may be difficult to find open sports centers. Moreover, it can be dangerous for their parents because children might transmit this hazardous disease. The first solution is that governments should provide more local sports clubs for children stone’s throw away from their homes, so that it can facilitate the way they commute there. A further solution to a problem is for parents to make a habit of taking children’s phones and other devices away for encouraging them to be sporty and to start developing themselves. Finally, virtual training or online competition, using apps and sport video games can be great ways to connect with members and motivate to stay active while at home. For example, it is lockdown in Ukraine these days, but I have a rule to exercise on a daily basis online. As a result, I noticed amazing changes in myself: I became stronger and more optimistic. In conclusion, I believe that by encouraging and monitoring children, it would be easier for them to change their mind and start improving their body condition.
It is not a secret that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lack of physical activities
Did you mean "this day" or "these days"?
these day
and that’s why they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of health problems.
Therefore
, it is crucial, for several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
steps for forming healthy lifestyle to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
further
issues. This essay will discuss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and possible solutions related to the problem.

The main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for their inactive life is that doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is quite expensive and not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
can afford it,
especially
if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
club
is located
far away from home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would pay a lot for the fuel.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are obsessed
with cutting-edge
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
technology and
they would
rather
spend all their time watching videos on YouTube or playing games,
Did you mean "then"?
than
keeping fit
as well
as making friends at the gym.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
final
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that nowadays during the pandemic it may be difficult to find open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
centers.
Moreover
, it can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might transmit this hazardous disease.

The
first
solution is that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should provide more local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
clubs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stone’s throw away from their homes,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it can facilitate the way they commute there. A
further
solution to a problem is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a habit of taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
phones and other devices away for encouraging them to be sporty and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
developing themselves.
Finally
, virtual training or online competition, using apps and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
video games can be great ways to connect with members and motivate to stay active while at home.
For example
, it is lockdown in Ukraine these days,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to exercise on a daily basis online.
As a result
, I noticed amazing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in myself: I became stronger and more optimistic.

In conclusion
, I believe that by encouraging and monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, it would be easier for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their mind and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
improving their body condition.
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IELTS essay children these days play less and less sport and this is having a bad effect on their health. why do you think this is happening?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
317 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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