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Children should work to earn money and skills

Children should work to earn money and skills rLrok
Numerous countries believed that childrens should be adapted to various kinds of paid work in order to gain experience of being independent as well as learn taking responsibility for the job they take. In my opinion, this action is completely wrong and should be terminated. To begin with, the reason why childrens should not be engaged into paid work is time consumption. Childrens then and now are detemined to study at school and gain crucial knowledge about various subject for a better chance at applying to better schools and jobs. By leaving a child to do labour rather than studying for the development of a country can affect their learning experience at school as well as their social lifestyle. Another reason that be accounted for is their health conditions. Childrens health conditions have not developed entirely yet since they have not touched puberty, therefor, their strenght and their mindset cannot be compared to a young adult. Furthermore, letting a 10 year old boy to work at a factory can lead to downfall of production since his body is not compatible for that certain of job. This is why having 10 young adults in charged of work is more beneficial than 20 childrens. Although giving children an opportunity to work in order to have valuable experience, learing imporance and responsibility is beneficial, various schools today are now giving out the same benefits throughout the cources and lessons for childrens for the better good, so letting children to do paid work is considered pointless and time consuming. In conclusion, children do not need to be engaged in paid work, rather they can use their time to study at school while having to received the same benefits as a paid job.
Numerous countries believed that
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
should
be adapted
to various kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in order to gain experience of being independent
as well
as learn taking responsibility for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they take. In my opinion, this action is completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and should
be terminated
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the reason why
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
should not
be engaged
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is time consumption.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Childrens
then and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
detemined
to study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and gain crucial knowledge about various subject for a better chance at applying to better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. By leaving a child to do
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
rather
than studying for the development of a country can affect their learning experience at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as well
as their social lifestyle. Another reason that
be accounted
for is their health conditions.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Childrens
health conditions have not developed
entirely
yet
since they have not touched puberty, therefor, their
Possible spelling mistake found.
strenght
and their mindset cannot
be compared
to a young adult.
Furthermore
, letting a 10 year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at a factory can lead to downfall of production since his body is not compatible for that certain of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This is why having 10 young adults in charged of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is more beneficial than 20
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
.

Although giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
an opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in order to have valuable experience,
Possible spelling mistake found.
learing
Possible spelling mistake found.
imporance
and responsibility is beneficial, various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
giving out the same benefits throughout the
Possible spelling mistake found.
cources
and lessons for
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
for the better
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
letting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is considered
pointless and
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not need to
be engaged
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
rather
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their time to study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
while having
Did you mean "to receive"?
to received
the same benefits as a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
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IELTS essay Children should work to earn money and skills

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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