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Children ore focing rnore pressures nowodoYs from ocddemic, socio, ond commercio, perspecfives. Whol ore fhe couses of fhese pressures ond whcrt rneosures should be loken to reduce lhese pressures?

Children ore focing rnore pressures nowodoYs from ocddemic, socio, ond commercio, perspecfives. Whol ore fhe couses of fhese pressures ond whcrt rneosures should be loken to reduce lhese pressures? aGlm
It is often said that children have heavy burden of academic, socio-commercial. which affects the physical and mental health. In this easy I will discuss the pressures and their solutions. To begin with, every parent wishes that their children to be best in every field. To elaborate parent provide their children best education from high level schools. Moreover, the children also have to go for private tuition after school. Depression and anxiety are main mental issue which put the kids in pressure. Futhermore, children want to grasp the western culture such as clothes, dance and so on but their parents want them in their tradition. In addition kids easily become attract to gadgets and they want them to buy at any cost but their mother father did not allow them to buy these things. Moving further, parent have to give their kids some space and time. So that they can become independent and confident. Moreover they also have to teach them there is no competition with your peers you are free to do whatever you want to do. In this way children become physical and mentally strong with their family support. In conclusion, I think that parent have to stand with their kids in any situation and teacher also teach the children how to solve their issue and take their decision without any help from others. By using these ways children can reduce their burden.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have heavy burden of academic,
Possible spelling mistake found.
socio-commercial
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
which
affects the physical and mental health. In this easy I will discuss the pressures and their solutions. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
wishes that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be best in every field. To elaborate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
provide their
A determiner is probably missing here: "children the best".
children best
education from high level schools.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go for private tuition after school. Depression and anxiety are main mental issue which put the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in pressure.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to grasp the western culture such as clothes, dance and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
them in their tradition. In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
easily
become attract to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
gadgets and
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
at any cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their mother father did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these things. Moving
further
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
give their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
space and time.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that they can become independent and confident.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
they
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
teach them there is no competition with your peers you are free to do whatever you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
want
to do. In this way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become physical and mentally strong with their family support.
In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
stand with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in any situation and teacher
also
teach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to solve their issue and take their decision without any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from others. By using these ways
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their burden.

IELTS essay Children ore focing rnore pressures nowodoYs from ocddemic, socio, ond commercio, perspecfives. Whol ore fhe couses of fhese pressures ond whcrt rneosures should be loken to reduce lhese pressures?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
235 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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