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children on computer negative effects do you agree or disagree

children on computer negative effects gbPPA
Young children spend plenty of time on computer every day, playing videogames, watching film or using social media. However, on the long run it can bring serious effect on them. Being a 23 years old girl, I grow up in front of my computer and I think that computers’ effects on the youngers are real and problematic. The first real effect is connected to the level of attention. Spending a hole day in front a PC, focusing on luminous images can decrease the level of attention. Peraphs children will pay more attention to the screen than to school books. It could be problematic for their academic careers. I’ve also noticed that when I was younger and I was spending less hours on pc, I was more focused on my homework. Secondly, we can talk about sight problems related to the blue light of the screen. It has been demostrate that using a computer every day can increase the probability to wear the glasses. It is easy to imagine that it could be really dangerous for young people because they are growing up. Another huge effect regards the age of the children. Sometimes they are too young to use that gadget and their parents don’t figure out that there are plenty of games and activities that suits their children more. Children could also find adults’ content surfing the internet and they could be traumatized by those. On the other hand there are interactive activities on pc that could be useful to develop children’s skills. In conclusion I consider that there are more negative effects than positive effects, it could be better to don’t let the children know about the computer during early ages. Young people should play in a park with others children, enjoying nature and running on the grass.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of time on computer every day, playing
Possible spelling mistake found.
videogames
, watching film or using social media.
However
, on the long run it can bring serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
on them.

Being a 23 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
girl, I grow up in front of my computer and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that computers’ effects on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
youngers
are real and problematic.

The
first
real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
is connected
to the level of attention. Spending a hole day in front a PC, focusing on luminous images can decrease the level of attention.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Peraphs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will pay more attention to the screen than to school books. It could be problematic for their academic careers. I’ve
also
noticed that when I was
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
younger and
I was spending
Did you mean "fewer hours"?
less hours
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
pc
, I was more focused on my homework.

Secondly
, we can talk about sight problems related to the blue light of the screen. It has been
Possible spelling mistake found.
demostrate
that using a computer every day can increase the probability to wear the glasses. It is easy to imagine that it could be
really
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are growing up.

Another huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
regards the age of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
they are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that gadget and their parents don’t figure out that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of games and activities that suits their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
more.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
could
also
find adults’ content surfing the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
internet and
they could
be traumatized
by those.
On the other hand
there are interactive activities on
Possible spelling mistake found.
pc
that could be useful to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

In
The comma is probably missing here: "conclusion, I".
conclusion I
consider that there are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, it could be better to don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
know about the computer during early ages.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should play in a park with others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, enjoying nature and running on the grass.
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IELTS essay children on computer negative effects

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
299 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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