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Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement? v.8

Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 8
It is argued that because children spent most of their time watching television, their level of learning has fallen. While, I agree with the statement that television is a major source of distraction that keeps children away from their studies, there are other factors that are keeping them from getting higher education. To begin with, children spend most of their time in front of television instead of reading books; this keeps them from progressing in the school. That is to say, nowadays, television is used as a source of learning tool instead of reading books to gain knowledge, so children spend most of their time watching television shows. This trend is lowering the education level in most children. For example, a research conducted by the University of California states that in the UK there is a 40% decline in the number of highly educated children over the last few years. Although, television is considered a source that prevent children from getting better education, other reasons also needs to be addressed. There are other problems that are preventing children from getting better education. One reason is poverty, my children cannot afford to pay the tuition fee or loans that is needed to get a high level of education. Another reason is the use of technology in the classroom distracts children from focusing on the lesson that is being taught this affects their grades. For instance, an article in the Science Journal reported that most of the high school students did not progress to secondary education because of poor scored this year. In conclusion, although I agree that television plays a role in preventing children from gaining better education, other factors that are contributing should also be addressed.
It
is argued
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spent most of their time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
, their level of learning has fallen. While, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is a major source of distraction that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
away from their studies, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors that are keeping them from getting higher education.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend most of their time in front of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
instead
of reading books; this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them from progressing in the school.
That is
to say, nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a source of learning tool
instead
of reading books to gain knowledge,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spend most of their time watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
. This trend is lowering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
level in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by the University of California states that in the UK there is a 40% decline in the number of
highly
educated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
over the last few years. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is considered
a source that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from getting better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
reasons
also
needs to
be addressed
.

There are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
problems that are preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from getting better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. One reason is poverty, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
cannot afford to pay the tuition fee or loans that
is needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Another reason is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of technology in the classroom distracts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from focusing on the lesson
that is
being taught
this affects their grades.
For instance
, an article in the Science Journal reported that most of the high school students did not progress to secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of poor scored this year.

In conclusion
, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
plays a role in preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from gaining better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors that are contributing should
also
be addressed
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
28Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less well‐educated today. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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