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children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less educated today. To what extent do you agree with this statement. v.3

children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less educated today. v. 3
In recent years, trend of children spending majority of their time infront of television has been increasing at a high rate and it is noted as a reason for low educational efficacy in them. I moderately agree with this statement and in my perspective, though television could help build creativity and talents, there are definite drawbacks to it such as addiction. On the one hand, any programme telecaster through television provides abit of information to yound minds. Though it might not be as informative as text book, to an extent, it helps to build creativity in children. As children tend to be conservative, these moving pictures are proven to develop artistic qualities and also can aspire them to follow their talents in music, art, dance etc, as most of the popular shows inspire them. For instance, according to a survey conducted by Times Now has revealed that, 20% of the youngsters started learning music after getting inspiration from a famous music show named 'Talents'. Thus, considering the overall education in children, television is beneficial. On the other hand, visual medias are the most addictive entertainment options for teenagers. The definite drawback of television is that, as pupil start to enjoy spending time watching it, they can hardly stop thinking about it. This addiction could adversely affect their concentration. Moreover, as a consequence, children will face difficulties in giving their 100% in studies. For instance, while studying in high school, television programmes were distracting my education time to a great extent. To conclude, though visual media can be beneficial to develop artistic talents, addiction to it can cause severe detrimental effects like having no interest in studies. Parents should take necessary steps to control television time for children and progressively spending time watching television should not be entertained.
In recent years, trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
spending
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Possible spelling mistake found.
infront
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
has been increasing at a high rate and it
is noted
as a reason for low educational efficacy in them. I
moderately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement and in my perspective, though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
build creativity and talents, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
drawbacks to it such as addiction.

On the one hand, any
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
telecaster through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
provides
Possible spelling mistake found.
abit
of information to
Possible spelling mistake found.
yound
minds. Though it might not be as informative as text book, to an extent, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to build creativity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. As
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to be conservative, these moving pictures
are proven
to develop artistic qualities and
also
can aspire them to follow their talents in music, art, dance etc, as most of the popular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
inspire them.
For instance
, according to a survey conducted by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
has revealed that, 20% of the youngsters
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
learning music after getting inspiration from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
named 'Talents'.
Thus
, considering the
overall
education in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is beneficial.

On the other hand
, visual medias are the most addictive entertainment options for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. The
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
drawback of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
is that, as pupil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to enjoy spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching it, they can hardly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
thinking about it. This addiction could
adversely
affect their concentration.
Moreover
, as a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will face difficulties in giving their 100% in studies.
For instance
, while studying in high school,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
were distracting my education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to a great extent.

To conclude
, though visual media can be beneficial to develop artistic talents, addiction to it can cause severe detrimental effects like having no interest in studies. Parents should take necessary steps to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
progressively
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
should not
be entertained
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool, which is why children are less educated today. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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