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Children find it difficult to concentrate on or pay attention to their study in school

Children find it difficult to concentrate on or pay attention to their study in school kxE5N
It is true that young children and students today are likely to lose their concentration and attention when studying at schools. There are some underlying causes for this phenomenon, while several feasible solutions could be implemented to limit it effectively. Two primary root causes leading to the loss of students’ concentration while studying at schools are anticipated. Firstly, lessons taught by teachers and lecturers in school time nowadays are considered lack of stimulating and intriguing, difficult to retain students’ attention. In other words, the traditional teaching method popularly applied in most schools is impractical, which is unable to meet the students’ needs in the modern life; this is true for some specialized subjects like science and technology which require special equipment and certain studying environment in order to give more efficient and lively lessons to students. Moreover, today students tend to be put a high pressure on their studying at school where they have to study around ten different subjects listed on their studying timetable of a week. For example, over 95% of Vietnamese students ranging from primary to high schools spend most of their time studying 11 subjects including what they are not interested in; and understandably, it is extremely exhausting for them to keep their mind concentrated all the time. There are two practical actions could be taken by the government and educational authorities to remedy the situation. The first one is that teachers and lecturers should make a consideration in using some technological devices when conveying lessons to students. As a result, the lessons added images, sound and videos are either understanding or encouraging for students who gradually pay more attention. Furthermore, the government also should adjust the national curriculum which becomes more reasonable for students. Consequently, students have a sense of comfort and passion when studying at school; in addition, they certainly have both better academic performances and effective studying manners. In conclusion, two major causes regarding the teaching method and overloading school time are identified, the rearrangement of school subjects and advanced teaching method from the government and authorities should be applied to encourage students to be more concentrating at school.
It is true that young children and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are likely to lose their concentration and attention when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
underlying causes for this phenomenon, while several feasible solutions could
be implemented
to limit it
effectively
.

Two primary root causes leading to the loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
concentration while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are anticipated
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
taught by teachers and lecturers in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
time nowadays
are considered
lack of stimulating and intriguing, difficult to retain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
attention.
In other words
, the traditional teaching method
popularly
applied in most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is impractical, which is unable to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
needs in the modern life; this is true for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
specialized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
like science and technology which require special equipment and certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
environment in order to give more efficient and lively
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
tend to
be put
a high pressure on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
where they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study around ten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
listed on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
timetable of a week.
For example
, over 95% of Vietnamese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
ranging from primary to high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
spend most of their time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
11
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
including what they are not interested in; and
understandably
, it is
extremely
exhausting for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their mind concentrated all the time.

There are two practical actions could
be taken
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and educational authorities to remedy the situation. The
first
one is that teachers and lecturers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a consideration in using
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
technological devices when conveying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
images, sound and videos
The verb 'understanding' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are either understanding
or encouraging for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who
gradually
pay more attention.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
also
should adjust the national curriculum which becomes more reasonable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have a sense of comfort and passion when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
;
in addition
, they
certainly
have both better academic performances and effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
manners.

In conclusion
, two major causes regarding the teaching method and overloading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
time
are identified
, the rearrangement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
and advanced teaching method from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and authorities should
be applied
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to be more concentrating at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
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IELTS essay Children find it difficult to concentrate on or pay attention to their study in school

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
356 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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