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Children can learn effectively from watching television which is why it should be encouraged at school and at home To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement v.1

Children can learn effectively from watching television which is why it should be encouraged at school and at home with this statement v. 1
Nowadays some people argue that younger generations should volunteer in their free time to help local people and this has plenty of benefits for them. I completely agree with the statement and this essay will discuss why this is advantageous to teenagers. The most compelling reason for holding to my view is that the working for someone without getting paid will make people kind. This is because by helping our brain creates some kind of chemicals which make us feel happy. For example, If they do the job without any conditions, they would feel good that they have done something good for them and due to this our brain will stimulate us to do this again and again. Because of this the helper can stay happy in his/her life. Another reason for my position is that the by working without pay is not actually true, they are getting paid in another form. They are keeping their body fit by doing some work. If they were sitting at home in their free time they would have become lethargic and obese. For example, a study conducted at the University of Alberta shows that the people who were volunteering for last six month have got better health than who did not. They can work on their bodies and help simultaneously. In conclusion, I totally agree with the opinion that sentencing working without salary in free time has got so many advantages. This is because they can keep their mind and body healthy. Due to above benefits all young people should work for any community for free.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that younger generations should volunteer in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and this has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of benefits for them. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and this essay will discuss why this is advantageous to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

The most compelling reason for holding to my view is that the working for someone without getting paid will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
kind. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by helping our brain creates
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kind of chemicals which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us feel happy.
For example
, If they do the job without any conditions, they would feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
that they have done something
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for them and due to this our brain will stimulate us to do this again and again.
“Because” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Because
of this the helper can stay happy in his/her life.

Another reason for my position is that the by working without pay is not actually true, they are getting paid in another form. They are keeping their body fit by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
work. If they were sitting at home in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time they would have become lethargic and obese.
For example
, a study conducted at the University of Alberta
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who were volunteering for last six month have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
better health than who did not. They can work on their bodies and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
simultaneously
.

In conclusion
, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that sentencing working without salary in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
time has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their mind and body healthy. Due to above benefits all young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should work for any community for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
free
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Children can learn effectively from watching television which is why it should be encouraged at school and at home with this statement v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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