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TOEFL SPEAKING TASK 5: THE WOMAN HAS TO REVIEW A TEST TOMORROW BUT SHE WANTS TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH HER DAD AT THE SAME TIME v.1

TOEFL SPEAKING TASK 5: THE WOMAN HAS TO REVIEW A TEST TOMORROW BUT SHE WANTS TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH HER DAD AT THE SAME TIME v. 1
Everyone can perform well when they are motivated. Some people feel that employees can put their maximum efforts in the workplace if their salaries are related to the production and sales of goods. This essay will argue why employees' salaries must be in line with the company's trade. On the one hand, many graduates are ready to enter as work force with minimal salaries because of the competition in the society. So the employers are worried about the salaries that are being paid to their employees. For example, a survey conducted by "Times Now", the number of graduates relieved are around 1 million every year. Therefore, the employers are taking the advantage of unemployment in the society by recruiting them with minimum salaries. On the other hand, the majority of people work to earn money to meet their daily needs. Everyone has a dream to live their life in a luxurious style which is decided by the income they earn. For instance, if an employee wants to join his son or daughter in higher studies. The tuition fee is the major concern for him. For suppose, if the employers relate the salaries of employees to their business. They can save their income for future needs as explained above which creates a positive environment in the work place. Therefore, the employees also put their maximum efforts to earn more productivity and the business of the firm can also be sustained in the market. This essay argued that people will work more and put their maximum efforts not only to enhance the business of the company but also they can earn more. In my opinion, I completely agree with the notion that the salaries must be in line with the company business.
Everyone can perform well when they
are motivated
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
can put their maximum efforts in the workplace if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
are related
to the production and sales of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. This essay will argue why employees'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be in line with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's trade.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
graduates are ready to enter as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
force with minimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the competition in the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the employers
are worried
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
that are
being paid
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
.
For example
, a survey conducted by
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
, the number of graduates relieved are around 1 million every year.
Therefore
, the employers are taking the advantage of unemployment in the society by recruiting them with minimum salaries.

On the other hand
, the majority of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their daily needs. Everyone has a dream to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their life
Consider replacing "in a luxurious style" with the adverb for "luxurious"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a luxurious style
which
is decided
by the income they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
.
For instance
, if an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
his son or daughter in higher studies. The tuition fee is the major concern for him. For suppose, if the employers relate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
. They can save their income for future needs as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
above which creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
environment in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
place.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
also
put their maximum efforts to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more productivity and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
of the firm can
also
be sustained
in the market.

This essay argued that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more and put their maximum efforts not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to enhance the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
earn
more. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the notion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salaries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be in line with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TOEFL SPEAKING TASK 5: THE WOMAN HAS TO REVIEW A TEST TOMORROW BUT SHE WANTS TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH HER DAD AT THE SAME TIME v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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