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Children become fatty , reason and solutions

Children become fatty, reason and solutions D2EDp
In this contemporary era, technology is proliferating at an exponential pace across the globe due to this, obesity has become a major problem between children in recent decades. This essay will not only highlight the reasons but also present some potential measures to resolve it. To commence with, there are a number of reasons why children become fat these days. Firstly, children prefer to eat fast food because parents have busy schedules and they do not have enough time to spend with their families even they do not prepare food at home. That is the major reason for obesity among adolescents because in the absence of parents children observe bad manners and eat fast food. A survey conducted by the WHO showed that 75% of people are suffering from obesity problems due to working parents. Secondly, these days, owing to the advancement of technology, children prefer less walking and parents drop their children in schools by vehicles such as cars, bikes. That is the second main reason for obesity in childs. To the solution side, tackling such problems will not be easy, there are some solutions who help children to mitigate these obstacles. One approach is that children should eat home-made food which is worthwhile for them because all the ingredients are included in it as compared to eating from outside and people are not sure that it is made by attention and cleanliness or not. Second approach is that parents must take responsibility to send their children for morning walks. Due to this, they stay healthy and save from various diseases. Therefore, children should eat home-made food as well as they should prefer walking due to this parents protect their children from fat. To conclude, although there are plenty of reasons for the increase of obesity in children yet solutions are also there to solve this problem such as prefer healthy food plus prefer walking to stay healthy.
In this contemporary era, technology is proliferating at an exponential pace across the globe
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due
to this, obesity has become a major
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problem
between
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children
in recent decades. This essay will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
highlight the
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reasons
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but
also
present
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potential measures to resolve it. To commence with, there are a number of
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reasons
why
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children
become
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
these days.
Firstly
,
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children
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prefer
to
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eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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parents
have busy
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
schedules and
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to spend with their families even they do not prepare
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food
at home.
That is
the major
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reason
for obesity among adolescents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in the absence of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
observe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
manners and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. A survey conducted by the WHO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 75% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are suffering from obesity
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problems
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due
to working
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parents
.
Secondly
, these days, owing to the advancement of technology,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
less walking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
drop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in schools by vehicles such as cars, bikes.
That is
the second main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for obesity in
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "children", the plural form of the noun 'child'?
childs
. To the solution side, tackling such
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problems
will not be easy, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to mitigate these obstacles. One approach is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
home-made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which is worthwhile for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
all the ingredients
are included
in it as compared to eating from outside and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not sure that it
is made
by attention and cleanliness or not. Second approach is that
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parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for morning walks.
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Due
to this, they stay healthy and save from various diseases.
Therefore
,
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children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
home-made
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food
as well
as they should
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prefer
walking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
Did you mean "these"?
this
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parents
protect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
To conclude
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of
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reasons
for the increase of obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
yet
solutions are
also
there to solve this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
such as
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prefer
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
plus
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prefer
walking to stay healthy.
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IELTS essay Children become fatty, reason and solutions

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
319 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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