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Children at secondary school are often taken on visits to mesuems,zoos and concerts and sometimes even to orther countries.What do you think the advantages and disadvatages of such visits are?

Children at secondary school are often taken on visits to mesuems, zoos and concerts and sometimes even to orther countries. What do you think the advantages and disadvatages of such visits are? 53jBn
Nowadays, tendency to take children at secondary school to various places such as museums, zoos, concerts and sometimes to foreign countries is more and more popular. However, it has brought many benefits to us while it also contains some drawbacks. In the first place, allowing secondary school students to go out will certainly bring about a lot of benefits. Firstly, trips are educational. When visiting a place, students will have chance to learn about history, traditions and culture. Therefore, it helps studying not boring and enhances the effectiveness. Another advantage is making learning memorable. This means children not only get knowledge from traditional book-based methods, but they also learn lessons through experience reality. For example, they can learn geography by watching discoveries program on television, or they can see real historical sites by visiting museums. Moreover, travelling is a way of entertainment and relaxation. After a hard-working time, children can take a rest by going to concerts, zoos and travelling abroad. By that way, they will feel more comfortable and be full of energy to continue their work. On the other hand, going outside has also many drawbacks. One of the major disadvantage is the fact that students can face up with many dangers. Since the tendency of every child is to seek pleasure, they may be injured or even get lost when going sightseeing. Furthermore, it takes time away from real learning if children visit too many places. They will not have enough time to review their lessons and neglect their study at school. Last but not least, the finance of the children whose families are poor cannot afford all trips which school organizes. This will make them feel embarrassed and upset. In conclusion, although journeys of exploration have some negative impacts on secondary school students, schools should organize more excursions to give children the best.
Nowadays, tendency to take children at secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
such as

museums, zoos, concerts and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
to foreign countries is more and more

popular.
However
, it has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits to us while it
also
contains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some


drawbacks.

In the
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, allowing secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students to go out will
certainly
bring

about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits.
Firstly
, trips are educational. When visiting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
place
, students

will have chance to learn about history, traditions and culture.
Therefore
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps


The verb 'helps' is used with an infinitive: "to study" or "study".
studying
not boring and enhances the effectiveness. Another advantage is making

learning memorable. This means children not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
knowledge from traditional

book-based methods,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
learn lessons
Did you mean "to"?
through
experience reality. For

example, they can learn geography by watching discoveries program on television,

or they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
real historical sites by visiting museums.
Moreover
, travelling is a

way of entertainment and relaxation. After a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working time, children can take

a rest by going to concerts, zoos and travelling abroad. By that way, they will feel

more comfortable and be full of energy to continue their work.
On the other hand
, going outside has
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks. One of the major

disadvantage is the fact that students can face up with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
. Since the

tendency of every child is to seek pleasure, they may
be injured
or even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost

when going sightseeing.
Furthermore
, it takes time away from real learning if

children visit too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
places
. They will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to review their

lessons and neglect their study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least, the finance of the

children whose families are poor cannot afford all trips which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
organizes.

This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them feel embarrassed and upset.

In conclusion
, although journeys of exploration have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on

secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should organize more excursions to give

children the best.
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IELTS essay Children at secondary school are often taken on visits to mesuems, zoos and concerts and sometimes even to orther countries. What do you think the advantages and disadvatages of such visits are?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
307 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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