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children are told that if they try hard engough, they will achieve anything

children are told that if they try hard engough, they will achieve anything LGey6
Nowadays, children are guided to reach any goals by hard work. I think this way is effective but it also has some drawbacks. I will discuss this more in this essay. On the one hand, most parents believe that hard work is the only way for their kids to be successful. Children are told that they can follow their dreams if they try hard and have good achievements. Thus, this will be a great encouragement to promote children‘s endeavors. Moreover, children love dreaming about the future, so that is why aspiration is the perfect reason for children to study and work harder. Besides, the family also have a big influence on their child. For example, If children have enough support and sympathy from them, they will be more confident and easily overcome any difficulties. With big ambitions and clear determinations, nothing is impossible for kids. On the other hand, parents spend too many on expectations for children and lack of teaching kids to get through hardships. Children believe that hard work will bring them goals, without any preparation of having failures. Hence, when they do not succeed in somethings, they will completely depressed and disappointed about themself. For instance, kids usually have help from people to solve problems from the young age, so they are not ready for any breakdowns. This can make them give up easily and lose energy when they fail to deal with issues. They could be under pressure, which can harm to their mental health and even physical health. In conclusion, hard work is great for children to achieve many things, but it is not the only ones. Parents should give more compliments or positive advice to their children, for both fails and success.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are guided
to reach any goals by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this way is effective
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks. I will discuss this more in this essay.

On the one hand, most parents believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way for their kids to be successful.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
that they can follow their dreams if they try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
and have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
achievements.
Thus
, this will be a great encouragement to promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children‘s
endeavors.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
dreaming about the future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that is
why aspiration is the perfect reason for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
harder.
Besides
, the family
also
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
influence on their child.
For example
, If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
support and sympathy from them, they will be more confident and
easily
overcome any difficulties. With
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
ambitions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
determinations, nothing is impossible for kids.

On the other hand
, parents spend too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
on expectations for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and lack of teaching kids to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through hardships.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will bring them goals, without any preparation of having failures.
Hence
, when they do not succeed in somethings, they will completely
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "depress"
depressed
and disappointed about
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
.
For instance
, kids
usually
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to solve problems from the young age,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are not ready for any breakdowns. This can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them give up
easily
and lose energy when they fail to deal with issues. They could be under pressure, which can harm to their mental health and even physical health.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
is great for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ones. Parents should give more compliments or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
advice to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, for both fails and success.
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IELTS essay children are told that if they try hard engough, they will achieve anything

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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