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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, socially, and commercial, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

It is commonly said that today’s children are encounter many pressures from academic, social and commercial aspects. This essay intends to discuss the causes of these pressures and purpose some measures to mitigate the problem. I believe that children must be shielded from such mounting pressures. There are many academic pressures on children, today child is not competing with the child next to door, or even one’s town or country. He is competing with the child of the global village. parents they want their child excel in every field, they send their children to the best schools, where the school bag is often heavier than child himself, even after the school hours there are private tuitions. children don’t have time to bloom and bring out their hidden talents and creativeness. In addition, there are also many social and commercial pressure, socially children are in huge dilemma. they want to adopt to their culture and society, whereas parents force them to confine themselves to the traditions, hence the children might be obstinate in behavior and repel. Then, they also face peer pressure, which can be good if their peers are good, and bad if their peers are disciplined and that lead to many stress and strain on children, as well as, they see the latest models of cell phones and other items with their peers and want to buy them, when they are unable to do, make them get stressed. The solution are not simple. Children have to be handled with large care, furthermore, Parents should have realistic expectation from their children, they should have pro-active approach and give time to their children. the majority onus is on schools and teachers, moreover, they should learn them the value’s about competition and co-operation to know that the competition should not be win at all cost, conversely should have to be taught them to win with modesty and lose with grace. In conclusion, there is no doubt that the children today are confrontation many pressures, besides the pressure will stifle the physical and psychological growth of children, otherwise, the steps should be taken to protect their innocent childhood.
It is
commonly
said that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are encounter
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
from academic, social and commercial aspects. This essay intends to discuss the causes of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
and purpose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
measures to mitigate the problem. I believe that
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children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be shielded
from such mounting pressures.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is not competing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
next
to door, or even one’s town or country. He is competing with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
of the global village.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
parents
they want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
excel in every field, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
bag is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
heavier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
himself, even after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
hours there are private
Possible spelling mistake found.
tuitions
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
children
don’t have time to bloom and bring out their hidden talents and creativeness.

In addition
, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
social and commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
,
socially
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children
are in huge dilemma.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
want to
Did you mean "adapt to"?
adopt to
their culture and society, whereas parents force them to confine themselves to the traditions,
hence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might be obstinate in behavior and repel. Then, they
also
face
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
are disciplined
and that lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and strain on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
as well
as, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the latest models of cell phones and other items with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
and want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them, when they are unable to do,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
.

The solution are not simple.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be handled
with large care,
furthermore
, Parents should have realistic expectation from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they should have pro-active approach and give time to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
the
majority onus is on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and teachers,
moreover
, they should learn them the value’s about competition and co-operation to know that the competition should not be
Consider using a past participle here: "won".
win
at all cost,
conversely
should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be taught
them to win with modesty and lose with grace.

In conclusion
, there is no doubt that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
are confrontation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
,
besides
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
will stifle the physical and psychological growth of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
otherwise
, the steps should
be taken
to protect their innocent childhood.
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IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, socially, and commercial, perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
355 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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