Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

"Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

It is commonly said that today’s children are pressurized as were yesterday’s adults. That’s true in the sense that children are facing harder and harder academic, social and commercial challenges. It is happening simply because of the ever increasing demands of life, from the same perspectives, on humans in general. While it is important that children excel in their age to become successful as adults, they must be shielded from the mounting pressure by maintaining a balance between material and psychological growth. As the global village becomes more and more competitive everyday, it becomes important for us to prepare for the fight, so to speak, earlier and earlier. This is realized by all, which triggers societies to push their juveniles during their learning stage. The other thing that is contributing to this ever rising pressure on children is the lack institutional opportunities, especially in developing countries. Now, more than ever, children are having to race each other for reaching the privilege of higher education. While healthy competition is helpful for the psycho-social development of young ones, it is rather unhealthy when the race becomes more prominent than the objective. Of course the objective of children competing against each other ideally is brining the best out of themselves. But, very frequently, a child is compelled to compete for becoming better than the other. In other words, the competition becomes a brawl rather than being a sprint. To stop such spiteful struggle among our young, we must first establish a sense of camaraderie within all our developmental institutions, such as schools and colleges. Students must contest for academic betterment, not social supremacy. Also, parents should get proactively involved in promoting sportsmanship among learners. They must not allow vile aggressiveness and their own vengefulness in the lives of their children. To sustain such social reformation the government must establish ample alternatives to the traditional route to success. 32 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLES - Band 9The conclusion here is simple. The children today are being put into a ‘survival-of-thefittest’ situation much earlier than they must be when they should really be trying to do their best. Such untimely loss of innocence is only going to make civilization more antagonistic. Therefore we must ensure that personal development may be ushered in harmony and not in vile rivalry.
It is
commonly
said that
today
’s
children
are pressurized
as were yesterday’s adults.

That’s true in the sense that
children
are facing harder and harder academic, social and

commercial challenges. It is happening
simply
because
of the
ever increasing
demands

of life, from the same perspectives, on humans
in general
. While it is
important
that

children excel in their age to
become
successful as adults, they
must
be shielded
from

the mounting pressure by maintaining a balance between material and psychological

growth.

As the global village
becomes
more and more competitive
everyday
, it becomes

important
for us to prepare for the fight,
so
to speak, earlier and earlier. This
is realized


by all, which triggers societies to push their juveniles during their learning stage.

The
other
thing
that is
contributing to this ever rising pressure on
children
is the lack

institutional opportunities,
especially
in
developing countries
.
Now
, more than ever,

children are having to race each
other
for reaching the privilege of higher education.

While healthy competition is helpful for the psycho-social development of young ones,

it is
rather
unhealthy when the race
becomes
more prominent than the objective. Of

course the objective of
children
competing against each
other
ideally
is brining the best

out of themselves.
But
,
very
frequently
, a child
is compelled
to compete for becoming

better than the
other
. In
other
words, the competition
becomes
a brawl
rather
than being

a sprint.

To
stop
such spiteful struggle among our young, we
must
first
establish a sense of

camaraderie within all our developmental institutions, such as schools and colleges.

Students
must
contest for academic betterment, not social supremacy.
Also
, parents

should
get
proactively
involved in promoting sportsmanship among learners. They
must


not
allow
vile aggressiveness and their
own
vengefulness
in the
lives
of their children.

To sustain such social reformation the
government
must
establish ample alternatives to

the traditional route to success.

32 IELTS ESSAY SAMPLES
-
Band 9The conclusion here is simple. The
children
today
are
being put
into a ‘
survival-of-thefittest
’ situation much earlier than they
must
be when they should
really
be trying to do

their best. Such
untimely
loss of innocence is
only
going to
make
civilization more

antagonistic.
Therefore
we
must
ensure that personal development may
be ushered
in

harmony and not in vile rivalry.
What do you think?
  • This is funny writingFunny
  • I love this writingLove
  • This writing has blown my mindWow
  • It made me angryAngry
  • It made me sadSad

IELTS essay "Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspectives. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Essay
  American English
11 paragraphs
381 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Recent posts