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Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures? 02W1
Nowadays, children are pressurized with academic, social and commercial aspects. It can be also seen that this academic, social and commercial pressures are more and more challenging for children. We need to juxtapose all the causes and solutions, and then conduct an analysis for the same so that we can frame a quintessential and extrapolation verdict. To begin with, there are many causes which led to the genesis of this problem. Firstly, there are many academic pressure on child. Today child are not competing with their next door child but also with global village. They feels pressure from schools, teachers and also from parents. Parents send their child to best schools where they feel burden of study as their school bags are even heavy more than themselves. they do not have time to bring out their hidden talent. Then there are also social and commercial pressure on children. socially, Today child want to embrace modern ideas and culture whereas their parents wants them to adopt traditional. Sometimes that becoming stressful for children to argue with their parents. And then also some peer pressure, it may good or bad depends on their peers. Good peers leaves good impact on child and bad ones drag them towards bad habits also. When children see smart phones and other gadgets with their peers they also want that. And if it is not available to them they feels frustrated and may depressed. There is no any particular solution. Parents have to care their child with more disciplined and soften ways. parents should have realistic expectations from their child. Teachers also have to bring out best from children in every field. They should not pressurized children to win at any cost but encourage them to do all things which help them to get best future. post expounding on all the causes and solution without any degree of doubt it can be deducted that if above solutions are followed properly it will be a source of positive outcome and it would ameliorate status of things in plethora of ways.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are pressurized
with academic, social and commercial aspects. It can be
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that this academic, social and commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressures
are more and more challenging for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. We need to juxtapose all the causes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
, and then conduct an analysis for the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can frame a quintessential and extrapolation verdict.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes which led to the genesis of this problem.
Firstly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
are not competing with their
next
door
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
with global village. They
The pronoun 'They' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "feel"
feels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
from schools, teachers and
also
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to best schools where they feel burden of study as their school bags are even heavy more than themselves.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
do not have time to bring out their hidden talent.

Then there are
also
social and commercial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
socially
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
want to embrace modern
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and culture whereas their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
wants them to adopt traditional.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
that becoming stressful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to argue with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. And then
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pressure
, it may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
depends on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
ones drag them towards
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits
also
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
smart phones and other gadgets with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
peers
they
also
want that. And if it is not available to them they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "feel"
feels
frustrated and may depressed.

There is
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
care their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
with more disciplined and soften ways.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
parents
should have realistic expectations from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
. Teachers
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
bring out best from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in every field. They should not
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "pressurize"
pressurized
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to win at any cost
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
encourage them to do all things which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
A determiner is probably missing here: "get the best".
get best
future.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
post
expounding on all the causes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
without any degree of doubt it can
be deducted
that if above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
are followed
properly
it will be a source of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcome and it would ameliorate status of things in plethora of ways.
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IELTS essay Children are facing more pressures nowadays from academic, social and commercial perspective. What are the causes of these pressures and what measures should be taken to reduce these pressures?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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