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Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Some people believe that this is an illness and should be treated medically. Others feel that this is only a result of unhealthy habits and it is sport that must help. Discuss both point of view and give your own opinion.

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Some people believe that this is an illness and should be treated medically. Others feel that this is only a result of unhealthy habits and it is sport that must help. oRXPq
It is believed that youngster's fatness is becoming an important issue throughout the world. some people believe that this is an ailment and youngsters should take medicines, however, others think this is just a matter of food regimes. In this essay, I intend to discuss both sides and give you my opinion. Firstly, the supporters of the idea that youngsters fatness is an ailment highlight the fact that fatness can result in other serious diseases, therefore, it needs to take care of by doctors and medicines. In other words, some potentially deadly ailments such as heart disease can be caused by fatness, consequently, it should be taken cares of seriously by medicines. Further, losing weight could be a very difficult process for some youngsters. Therefore, so many children might avoid playing sports or changing their meal regimes. As I see it, this is not a powerful idea to take medicines to reduce weight and other solution might be a better step. However, the proponents of the idea that fatness is only a consequence of a sedentary lifestyle and eating convenience food claim that children could change their lifestyle without any medicines. To put it another way, youngsters, by turning their sedentary lifestyle to an active lifestyle and consume healthy foods according to their food regimes, not only can lose weight but also they can be safe from fat cause ailments throughout their life. Further, in this day and age, there are so many low calories meal and lots of facilities for instance gyms, soccer courts. Therefore losing weight is not as difficult as in the past and it can be done easily. it is my belief that this concept is reasonable. In conclusion, it seems to me that taking medicines and visiting doctors for losing ways would be unnecerly and if children change their lifestyle and take a more healthy meal, they would loos weight and secure themselves from some diseases.
It
is believed
that youngster's fatness is becoming an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue throughout the world.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that this is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ailment
and youngsters should take medicines,
however
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a matter of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
regimes. In this essay, I intend to discuss both sides and give you my opinion.

Firstly
, the supporters of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "youngsters'" or "youngster's"?
youngsters
fatness is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ailment
highlight the fact that fatness can result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
serious diseases,
therefore
, it needs to take care of by doctors and medicines. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
potentially
deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ailments
such as heart disease can
be caused
by fatness,
consequently
, it should
be taken
cares of
seriously
by medicines.
Further
, losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
could be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult process for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
youngsters.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children might avoid playing sports or changing their meal regimes. As I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it, this is not a powerful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to take medicines to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
solution might be a better step.

However
, the proponents of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that fatness is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a consequence of a sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and eating convenience
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
claim that children could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
without any medicines. To put it another way, youngsters, by turning their sedentary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
to an active
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and consume healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
according to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
regimes, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
can lose
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
they can be safe from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
cause
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ailments
throughout their life.
Further
, in this day and age, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
low calories meal and lots of facilities
for instance
gyms, soccer courts.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
losing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
is not as difficult as in the past and it can
be done
easily
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is my belief that this concept is reasonable.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that taking medicines and visiting doctors for losing ways would be
Possible spelling mistake found.
unnecerly
and if children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lifestyle
and take a more healthy meal, they
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
would loos
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and secure themselves from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
diseases.
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IELTS essay Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Some people believe that this is an illness and should be treated medically. Others feel that this is only a result of unhealthy habits and it is sport that must help.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
321 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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