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Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and discuss at at least one problem that may result.

Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and discuss at at least one problem that may result. m1M61
Technology has nowadays revolutionized the workplace. As the development of the automated system in work reduces the workforce. This essay will first demonstrate the various types of employment that have been affected due to robots and then discuss the evident issue such as low tax collection caused by unemployment. There are multifarious jobs that are lost due to the installation of computers at the office. Firstly, a data entry software will be able to do accounting without any error or mistake, due to with many accountants are jobless. Secondly, as more and more individuals communicate through the internet via e-mails which affect the postman's job. Lastly, due to online education, students don’t need to go to school or college they can learn and get equally knowledgeable on the world wide web, which eliminated the teacher’s duty, leaving them vulnerable at work. For example, Coca Cola introduced a system that managed all the stock entry, and exit resulting in sixty-five per cent of workforce reduction. The most concrete problem caused by job loss is minimal tax revenue generated by the government. As most of the people will be searching for work, they will have less or no income on which they would be liable to pay income tax. Without tax collection, the welfare facilities will be terribly affected, such as poor infrastructure, appalling medical services, and an inferior education system. To illustrate, a recent article in Times Now revealed that in India, highway project had to put on hold as the government didn’t have money to pay the contractors. In conclusion, although up-gradation of technology will cause many people to lose their work, and therefore the issue seen is a reduction in tax payment in the society.
Technology has nowadays revolutionized the workplace.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the development of the automated system in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the workforce. This essay will
first
demonstrate the various types of employment that have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to robots and then discuss the evident issue such as low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
collection caused by unemployment.

There are multifarious jobs that
are lost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to the installation of computers at the office.
Firstly
, a data entry software will be able to
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go accounting".
do accounting
without any error or mistake,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
accountants are jobless.
Secondly
, as more and more individuals communicate through the internet via e-mails which affect the postman's job.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to online education, students don’t need to go to school or college they can learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
equally
knowledgeable on the
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
world wide web
, which eliminated the teacher’s duty, leaving them vulnerable at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
For example
, Coca Cola introduced a system that managed all the stock entry, and exit resulting in sixty-five per cent of workforce reduction.

The most concrete problem caused by job loss is minimal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
revenue generated by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. As most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will be searching for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, they will have less or no income on which they would be liable to pay income
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
collection, the welfare facilities will be
terribly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
, such as poor infrastructure, appalling medical services, and an inferior education system. To illustrate, a recent article in Times
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
revealed that in India, highway project had to put on hold as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
didn’t have money to pay the contractors.

In conclusion
, although up-gradation of technology will cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to lose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and
therefore
the issue
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
is a reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
payment in the society.

IELTS essay Describe some job positions that may be lost because of computers, and discuss at at least one problem that may result.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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