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Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main couses and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main couses and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions. maQ1
Present days full of worldwide cuisines and different sorts of food which lead to humans’ obesity, especially to children one in many regions. Despite the fact that this issue has lots of causes, it has solutions as well to prevent this illness. The first reason of current problem with childhood obesity is peoples illiteracy in daily diet, for instance they eat a lot of fast food street food in uncountable quantities and give bad example to their inheritors. The second cause of children fatness can be bad genetic which they obtain from parents or other members of family. Furthermore, the one more reason of kids obesity is bad financial situation of the parents and because they are not able to buy proper food with all complex of nutrients as a consequence children suffer of fatness issue. However, there are a number of solutions to avoid youngsters obesity. Firstly, to give special lecture courses to children about diet and to explain direct connection between what we eat every day and our health. Secondly, government need to provide social programs to poor families with children. For example to support them financially and moreover to control those families to be sure they feed their children good. Thirdly, kindergartens, schools have to provide best quality food with a lot of vegetables and fruits for their pupils. To sum up, there is a world problem called children obesity and there are a lot of reasons caused this issue. Nevertheless, we live in modern society which can supply many solutions of this difficulty.
Present days full of worldwide cuisines and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sorts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which lead to humans’ obesity,
especially
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
one in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
regions. Despite the fact that this issue has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of causes, it has solutions
as well
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this illness.

The
first
reason of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
problem with childhood obesity is peoples illiteracy in daily diet,
for instance
they eat a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
street
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in uncountable quantities and give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example to their inheritors. The second cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
fatness can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
genetic which they obtain from parents or other members of family.
Furthermore
, the one more reason of kids obesity is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
financial situation of the parents and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are not able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with all complex of nutrients as a consequence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
The usual preposition for this expression is "from" or "with." Did you mean "suffer from" or "suffer with"?
suffer of
fatness issue.

However
, there are a number of solutions to avoid youngsters obesity.
Firstly
, to give special lecture courses to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about diet and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
direct
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
what we eat every day and our health.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
need to provide social programs to poor families with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
to support them
financially
and
moreover
to control those families to be sure they feed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Thirdly
, kindergartens, schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
A determiner is probably missing here: "provide the best".
provide best
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of vegetables and fruits for their pupils.

To sum up, there is a world problem called
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
obesity and there are a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of reasons caused this issue.
Nevertheless
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in modern society which can supply
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions of this difficulty.
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IELTS essay Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main couses and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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