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Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem around the world

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem around the world j9XDL
Nowadays, children from many countries are becoming obese and because of this childhood fatness is becoming a really serious issue. In this essay the important reasons and influences of this problem, and some solutions will be analyzed before a reasoned conclusion is drawn. The main cause of childhood obesity is low physical activity. Firstly, these days children don't have any physical activity due to playing with electronic devices such as tablet, telephone, computer and etc. . . . . and instead of playing with other children and having movements they just sit and stare to the monitor of tv. nowadays over 60% of the children play with electronic devices and they don't have any movements therefore, this causes obesity. The main solution of this problem is having physical movement. Firstly, children shouldn't just sit down all day they should have a little movement, for example they can walk at least for 15 minuets a day even in their own house and play games that can be done inside of house either alone or with their parents, first parents should limit the usage of electronic devices then they should encourage their children to exercise. In conclusion, it is clear that there are various elements that cause obesity in children however, there are several possible solutions to overcome obesity in children.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries are becoming obese and
because of this
childhood fatness is becoming a
really
serious issue. In this essay the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
reasons and influences of this problem, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions will
be analyzed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a reasoned conclusion
is drawn
.

The main cause of childhood obesity is low physical activity.
Firstly
, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
don't have any physical activity due to playing with electronic devices such as tablet, telephone, computer
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
Two consecutive dots
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
instead
of playing with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movements
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sit and stare to the monitor of
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
. nowadays over 60% of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play with electronic
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
devices and
they don't have any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movements
therefore
, this causes obesity.

The main solution of this problem is having physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movement
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
shouldn't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
sit down all day they should have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movement
,
for example
they can walk at least for 15
Did you mean "minutes"?
minuets
a day even in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and play games that can
be done
inside of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
either alone or with their parents,
first
parents should limit the usage of electronic devices then they should encourage their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to exercise.

In conclusion
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that there are various elements that cause obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
however
, there are several possible solutions to overcome obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem around the world

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
219 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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