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Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in school and college.

Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in school and college. dRA2
There is a famous saying " health is wealth" but now a days people have forgotten that good health is gained through regular exercises and healthy eating. Many people believe that advertisement of junk food and other unhealthy snacks should be banned in educational institutes. I agree with this point of view, but their are other ways also to tackle the overweight issues. To begin with, fast food spoils the habit of healthy eating food. Instead of eating home made food students prefer to have canned food which can also lead to various health problems like diabetes. Not only that, junk food also causes various health and digestive problems. The use of cheap oil and frozen food in making of fast food is a serious problem. Institutes on the other hand give contract to the person who give them more profit and in result they drop the quality of the food. A growing number of people believe that, although junk food are bit cool but growing number of consumption of junk food proofs that it is not too harmful for the health. To sum up, banning adverts of junk food can reduce the problem of obesity upto some extend. However I believe that it can be controlled by living more active life.
There is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
saying
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
"
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is wealth
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have forgotten that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is gained
through regular exercises and healthy eating.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
The usual collocation for "advertisement" is "for" not "of". Did you mean "advertisement for"?
advertisement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and other unhealthy snacks should
be banned
in educational institutes. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "there"?
their
are other ways
also
to tackle the overweight issues. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
spoils the habit of healthy eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Instead
of eating home made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
students prefer to have canned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which can
also
lead to various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like diabetes. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
also
causes various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and digestive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
oil and frozen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in making of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. Institutes
on the other hand
give contract to the person who give them more profit and in result they drop the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. A growing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
are
It seems that an article is missing.
bit
cool
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
growing number of consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
proofs that it is not too harmful for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. To sum up, banning adverts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of obesity
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Did you mean "extent" ('extent' is a noun, 'extend' is a verb)?
extend
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
I believe that it can
be controlled
by living more active life.
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IELTS essay Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the developed world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in school and college.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
212 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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