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childhood obesity in these days discuss and give solution

childhood obesity in these days discuss and give solution E3poQ
In the present world, issue of childhood obesity is increasing on alarming rate. Many people believe that advertisements of fast food, snacks, sweet should not be allowed in school and colleges. I agree with this but there are other steps could be improve this situation. It is like most prominent reason of childhood obesity is lids are lured by western culture and because of that they eat unhealthy food, candies and sugary drinks which leads to childhood obesity. Junk food is easily available in school or colleges and it is quite cheap so that student can afford, students easily access this food. Therefore, these advertisements of junk food or sugary food should be removed from school or colleges in order to decrease number of students or kids to consume it. Secondly, school and colleges should spread awareness of healthy eating among the children, Also school and colleges should provide more healthy meals in cafeteria. If schools and colleges provide healthy and balanced food like salad instead of unhealthy junk food like pizza or burger, then students will get benefit and there will be fewer chances to get overweight. Banning advertisements of junk food is the not only part of the solution. Parents of young kids should educate them about healthy eating habits otherwise, how the health related problem caused by obesity. Obesity can lead to the diabetes or hypertension further in life. In conclusion, childhood obesity is major issue and it has many factors. It includes duty of parents, kids, school, colleges and media. Only removing advertisements from schools and colleges will not help out from childhood obesity.
In the present world, issue of childhood obesity is increasing on alarming rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, snacks, sweet should not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and colleges. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are other steps could be
Consider using the past participle "improved"?
improve
this situation.

It is like most prominent reason of childhood obesity is lids
are lured
by western culture and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of that they eat unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, candies and sugary drinks which leads to childhood obesity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
easily
available in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or colleges and it is quite
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
can afford,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
easily
access this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Therefore
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
should
be removed
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
or colleges in order to decrease number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
or kids to consume it.

Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and colleges should spread awareness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
eating among the children,
Also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and colleges should provide more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
meals in cafeteria. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and colleges provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and balanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like salad
instead
of unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like pizza or burger, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
benefit and there will be fewer chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
overweight.

Banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is the not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
part of the solution. Parents of young kids should educate them about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
eating habits
otherwise
, how the health related problem caused by obesity. Obesity can lead to the diabetes or hypertension
further
in life.

In conclusion
, childhood obesity is major issue and it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors. It includes duty of parents, kids,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, colleges and media.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
removing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advertisements
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
and colleges will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
out from childhood obesity.
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IELTS essay childhood obesity in these days discuss and give solution

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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