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Change is constant and everyone benefits from it?

Change is constant and everyone benefits from it? aEOQ7
Change is inevitable and it persists irrespective of time. It is ubiquitous and one must learn from it. Therefore, I strongly agree with this fact and my views are discussed further. First of all, the change allows people to learn new things. For example, when an employee joins a new company he has to overcome significant hurdles by learning new skills, get accustomed to their culture, and so on. Furthermore, for many, they think change as an upcoming challenge in their life to control. It motivates them to do better than before by defeating their past self. Thwarting the roadblocks in the way allows them to be more self-confident, persistent, and cognizant. Nowadays, there is rampant development, humans are expected to be updated now more than ever. There is a drastic evolution of our tech-savvy world, wherein span of just a few years we are able to communicate worldwide within some seconds. Therefore, those who chose to be ignorant of these changes are still struggling hard. However, someones do prefer to not sway with the general flow. They become nervous around the change and are satisfied with living a constant life. Such as some like to have the same job throughout their life or one loves a particular brand of clothes and is not contend with other brands. In conclusion, change is bound to happen if you like it or not. Happiness is dependent on how one perceives it, for some going through a regular change makes them feel lively, whereas for others the calm and simple is prefrable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Change
is inevitable and it persists irrespective of time. It is ubiquitous and one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
learn from it.
Therefore
, I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this fact and my views
are discussed
further
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to learn new things.
For example
, when an employee
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
joins
a new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
overcome significant hurdles by learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
accustomed to their culture, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
Furthermore
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
as an upcoming challenge in their life to control. It motivates them to do better than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
by defeating their past self. Thwarting the roadblocks in the way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to be more self-confident, persistent, and cognizant.

Nowadays, there is rampant development, humans are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
be updated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
more than ever. There is a drastic evolution of our tech-savvy world, wherein span of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few years we are able to communicate worldwide within
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
seconds.
Therefore
, those who chose to be ignorant of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
changes
are
still
struggling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.

However
, someones do prefer to not sway with the general flow. They become nervous around the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
and
are satisfied
with living a constant life. Such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
like to have the same job throughout their life or one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loves
a particular brand of clothes and is not
Consider using a past participle here: "contended".
contend
with other brands.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
is bound
to happen if you like it or not. Happiness is dependent on how one perceives it, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
going through a regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
change
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them feel lively, whereas for others the calm and simple is
Possible spelling mistake found.
prefrable
.
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IELTS essay Change is constant and everyone benefits from it?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
259 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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