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Certain people think that it is beneficial for older generation citizens to maintain their work without retirement if it is possible. In my personal opinion, there are several merits for society and the old people.

Certain people think that it is beneficial for older generation citizens to maintain their work without retirement if it is possible. In my personal opinion, there are several merits for society and the old people. 2PDRb
Certain people think that it is beneficial for older generation citizens to maintain their work without retirement if it is possible. In my personal opinion, there are several merits for society and the old people. On the one hand, it is profitable for society in the long term if elderly people continue their work. Firstly, the government can collect more overall income tax, since old people can make money and pay tax as well as young individuals so that the nation can invest in many fields like technology. Secondly, the government does not need to spend welfare expenses for senior citizens who are retired from their workplaces and can not make money anymore. This is because they can earn their cost of living themselves without asking for help from the government welfare system. Secondly, the enterprise can hire skillful workers as old people are more experienced than young workers. When it comes to their private life, if older individuals continue their work past their retirement age, such a trend has upbeat effects on their living and mentality. First and foremost, by working, they can pay their cost of living fees such as rent. To be explained, they would need to earn money for them since their lifespan is longer than in the past due to medical science technology. Thus, if they already have a retirement fund, it would not be enough for the rest of their life. On top of that, maintaining work can help the mental health of old people. This is because people who are aged and retired would feel isolated from society and they easily feel depressed. In conclusion, it is undeniable that the trend of older citizens continuously working has beneficial effects for society such as collecting income tax, saving welfare assets, and hiring skillful workers. Moreover, it is helpful for older people’s mental or emotional health and financial condition.
Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation citizens to maintain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
without retirement if it is possible. In my personal opinion, there are several merits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand, it is profitable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in the long term if elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can collect more
overall
income tax, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money and pay tax
as well
as young individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the nation can invest in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fields like technology.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
does not need to spend welfare expenses for senior citizens who
are retired
from their workplaces and can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
money anymore. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can earn their cost of living themselves without asking for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
welfare system.
Secondly
, the enterprise can hire skillful workers as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more experienced than young workers.

When it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to their private life, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
individuals continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
past their retirement age, such a trend has upbeat effects on their living and mentality.
First
and foremost, by working, they can pay their cost of living fees such as rent. To be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
, they would need to earn money for them since their lifespan is longer than in the past due to medical science technology.
Thus
, if they already have a retirement fund, it would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for the rest of their life.
On top of that
, maintaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the mental health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
are aged
and retired would feel isolated from
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they
easily
feel depressed.

In conclusion
, it is undeniable that the trend of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
citizens
continuously
working has beneficial effects for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
such as collecting income tax, saving welfare assets, and hiring skillful workers.
Moreover
, it is helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mental or emotional health and financial condition.
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IELTS essay Certain people think that it is beneficial for older generation citizens to maintain their work without retirement if it is possible. In my personal opinion, there are several merits for society and the old people.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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