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Celebrity status no longer equates with talent/accomplishments. Discuss.

Celebrity status no longer equates with talent/accomplishments. Discuss. xroo
In the modern fast-growing world where social media playing an integral part in people lives. Most of the celebrities attracted the audience towards their luxurious lifestyle than for their performance or talents these days, however there are some other famous people known for their outstanding work and dedication. To begin with, earlier people use to do work hard to achieve frame, money, and the luxurious lifestyle. Although people do not have smart phones or even technology was less, natural talent was unbeatable or unreplaceable on that period. People use to practise a lot to achieve their goals. To exemplify, previously singers learn and enhance most of the skill from their masters, but these days musicians use software and autotuning to achieve that level. Secondly, some of celebrities belongs to wealthy families. They use their family names to take the advantages which leads nepotism in the profession. Most of them show off their lifestyles through social media to gain such attention from the fans and get chance in the professionalism easily. Even most of the application represent them to gain the TRP which leads fake followers and negative impact on the young minds. To illustrate, due to this, young minds who got influenced by them does not get a chance to represent their talent. According to the research of California university, most of the youngster commit suicide in the eagerness to achieve that lifestyle. Furthermore, people who covered the journey from the initial stage. They know the struggle and hard time which they invested to achieve it. This struggle transformed them into the talented person such as famous Bollywood actor who does not have money to purchase the tickets of Hollywood movie “The Jurassic world” in their younger age. After many years of hard work, he performed the owner role of Jurassic world in 2018. In conclusion, undoubtedly some people who have already advantages does not perform efficiently but they have frame, however people came from zero background support beats other with their talent.
In the modern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-growing world where social media playing an integral part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
lives
. Most of the celebrities attracted the audience towards their luxurious lifestyle than for their performance or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talents
these days,
however
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
known for their outstanding work and dedication.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, earlier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
do work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
frame, money, and the luxurious lifestyle. Although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not have smart phones or even technology was less, natural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
was unbeatable or
Possible spelling mistake found.
unreplaceable
on that period.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
a lot to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
their goals. To exemplify, previously singers learn and enhance most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
from their masters,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these days musicians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
software and
Possible spelling mistake found.
autotuning
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
that level.

Secondly
,
After 'some of', you should use 'the' ("some of the celebrities") or simply say "some celebrities".
some of celebrities
belongs to wealthy families. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their family names to take the advantages which leads nepotism in the profession. Most of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
off their lifestyles through social media to gain such attention from the fans and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance in the professionalism
easily
. Even most of the application represent them to gain the TRP which leads fake followers and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the young minds. To illustrate, due to this, young minds
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
influenced by them does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to represent their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
. According to the research of California university, most of the youngster commit suicide in the eagerness to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
that lifestyle.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
covered the journey from the initial stage. They know the struggle and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
time which they invested to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
achieve
it. This struggle transformed them into the talented person such as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
Bollywood actor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
does not have money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
the tickets of Hollywood movie “The
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Jurassic world
” in their younger age. After
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, he performed the owner role of
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Jurassic world
in 2018.

In conclusion
,
undoubtedly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have already advantages does not perform
efficiently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they have frame,
however
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
came from zero background support beats other with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
talent
.
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IELTS essay Celebrity status no longer equates with talent/accomplishments. Discuss.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
333 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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