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Celebrities should be allowed to keep their private lives private, without the invasion of the media

Celebrities should be allowed to keep their private lives private, without the invasion of the media Lqeqn
1. It is widely known that celebrities live under constant media surveillance. Every aspect of their life makes headlines, while some of them certainly enjoy the attention they get, others have problems with it. To my way of thinking when you decide to be a celebrity, you are actually agreeing to live under constant media scrutiny and public attention. 2. Since the twentieth century, famous people have been receiving public and media attention more than ever. It is clear that celebrities thrive on the media attention they get and that is exactly what makes them celebrities. No one complains when they are making news for all the right reasons. Even celebrities who guard their personal lives have no problems when the media praises them for their immaculate sense of dressing or their dashing lifestyle. 3. Furthermore, not only they themselves post personal photos on their social profiles but also when the same media lambast them for wearing the wrong outfit or dating the wrong person, they get upset. They get upset when the media publishes their unflattering images. Just like any other person, celebrities also have a right to privacy. But when you agree to become a celebrity, you are agreeing to live under constant media inspection and public observation. 4. An important benefit of being a celebrity is that they enjoy good popularity. This popularity helps them endorse products and make loads of money. They are icons to millions of people and naturally people want to know about their personal lives and the media satisfy that hunger. This often results in the invasion of privacy. 5. To conclude, constant media scrutiny is a byproduct of stardom. A person who enjoys the benefits of being a celebrity must be willing to take the negative aspects as well. In my opinion, celebrities should take this sportingly. By choosing to become a celebrity they themselves have agreed to be in the limelight. So, they should take any intrusion into their personal life as part of their fame. Like James Carville once said, ‘’When you become famous, being famous becomes your profession’’.
1. It is
widely
known that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
surveillance. Every aspect of their life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
headlines, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
certainly
enjoy the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
, others have problems with it. To my way of thinking when you decide to be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
, you
The verb 'agreeing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are actually agreeing
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
scrutiny and public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention. 2
. Since the twentieth century,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have been receiving public and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
more than ever. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
thrive on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attention
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
and
that is
exactly what
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. No one complains when they are making news for all the right reasons. Even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
who guard their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
have no problems when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
praises them for their immaculate sense of dressing or their dashing lifestyle.

3.
Furthermore
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they themselves post
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
photos on their social profiles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
when the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
Possible spelling mistake found.
lambast
them for wearing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
outfit or dating the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
person, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
upset. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
upset when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
You should probably use "publish".
publishes
their unflattering images.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
like any other person,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
also
have a right to privacy.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
when you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
, you
The verb 'agreeing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are agreeing
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
under
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
inspection and public observation.

4. An
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
benefit of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
is that they enjoy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
popularity. This popularity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them endorse products and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
loads of money. They are icons to millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
naturally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to know about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
satisfy that hunger. This
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
results in the invasion of privacy.

5.
To conclude
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
constant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
scrutiny is a byproduct of stardom. A person who enjoys the benefits of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be willing to take the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects
as well
. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
should take this
sportingly
. By choosing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrity
they themselves have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
to be in the limelight.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they should take any intrusion into their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
personal
life as part of their fame. Like James
Possible spelling mistake found.
Carville
once said, ‘’When you
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
, being
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
becomes
your profession’’.
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IELTS essay Celebrities should be allowed to keep their private lives private, without the invasion of the media

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
349 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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