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Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars? v.13

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars? v. 13
In the last 30 years, globalization changed radically the idea of the world and increased, thanks to new technology and infrastructure, movements between countries. Especially in the advance education, students are moving to other countries in order to have more work opportunities, on the contrary before, usually students remained to study in their home country. This essay will explain which are the advantages and disadvantages of this evolution. First of all, there are two main pros in this development. Fist, students can understand better other cultures. This is an important point because international students can learn how to respect and to work with different people. For example, during my exchange semester in China, I tried to learn how to solve problems with only physical communication. Second, an international experience can create a better curriculum. According to a recent survey, the international students find jobs three times quickly than a local student. Unfortunately, there are also some cons. Fist, Home countries are especially hit by this development. If most of the young people decide to move into a new country to study, the local university will not have enough students. Moreover, a huge movement from one country to another, which provides a better education, will decrease the public funds for the school and thus, the quality of education will be worse. For example, in Italy more and more people are moving away and thus, a lot of good teachers are fired. In conclusion, there are several pros and cons about this important development. It is important to create a balance in this movement in order to not hurt too much the weaker countries.
In the last 30 years, globalization
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
radically
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of the world and increased, thanks to new technology and infrastructure, movements between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
Especially
in the advance education,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are moving to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in order to have more work opportunities,
on the contrary
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
,
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
remained to study in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This essay will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
which are the advantages and disadvantages of this evolution.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there are two main pros in this development. Fist,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can understand better other cultures. This is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can learn how to respect and to work with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
For example
, during my exchange semester in China, I tried to learn how to solve problems with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
physical communication. Second, an international experience can create a better curriculum. According to a recent survey, the international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
find jobs three times
Use "(quickly)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
quickly
than a local student.

Unfortunately, there are
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cons. Fist, Home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
especially
hit by this development. If most of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
decide to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
into a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to study, the local university will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
Moreover
, a huge movement from one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to another, which provides a better education, will decrease the public funds for the school and
thus
, the quality of education will be worse.
For example
, in Italy more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are moving away and
thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
teachers
are fired
.

In conclusion
, there are several pros and cons about this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
development. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to create a balance in this movement in order to not hurt too much the weaker
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars? v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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