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Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Online shopping has attract many people's attention and it becomes trending in this modern era. In this essay, I will explain why it becomes popular among people's life these days. On the one hand, shopping via online can offer a few great benefits in our life. Firstly, it helps people shop much easier and more effective. Moreover, there are a lot of apps that can be installed to support online shopping such as Shopee, Tokopedia, and many more. To illustrate, Shopee provides some feature to help us buy any kinds of tickets, books, and house needs in which we can order it whenever and wherever we are. The technology improvement has assisst many people that hardly have time to go shopping. Secondly, it offers many vouchers that might lowering the prices of some products. It commonly gives free delivery cost to customers that lives in certain areas. Thus, this benefits often attract the majority of people in societies to shop via online. On the other hand, buying things on the internet can also pose some main challenges. To begin with, some people often get robbed by purchasing things online. Although these online stores look trusted because of its marketing strategy, they often fake some testimonies to get people's trust. Once the customers have trusted them, they blocked the customers so the customers will not be able to contact them. Furthermore, online shopping makes people cannot stop shopping since it often advertises many vouchers that changes people perspective to not missed this offer. In conclusion, while online shopping makes people buy their daily needs easier, it can also make people lose their money. Therefore, on balance, I remain firmly convinced that the merits are eclipsed by the demerits.
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Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has
Use past participle here: “attracted”.
attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
Use a comma before ‘and’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
attention and
it becomes trending in this modern era. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why it becomes popular among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life these days.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
via
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
can offer a few great benefits in our life.
Firstly
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
shop much easier and more effective.
Moreover
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
apps that can
be installed
to support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
such as Shopee, Tokopedia, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more. To illustrate, Shopee provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feature to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
any kinds of tickets, books, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
needs in which we can order it whenever and wherever we are. The technology improvement has
Possible spelling mistake found.
assisst
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that hardly have time to go
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Secondly
, it offers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vouchers that might
The modal verb ‘might’ requires the verb’s base form.
lowering
the prices of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
products. It
commonly
gives free delivery cost to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
in certain areas.
Thus
, this benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
attract the majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in societies to shop via online.

On the other hand
, buying things on the internet can
also
pose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
main challenges. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
robbed by purchasing things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
. Although these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
stores look trusted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its marketing strategy, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
fake
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
testimonies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's trust. Once the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
have trusted them, they blocked the
Use a comma before ‘so’ if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
customers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
will not be able to contact them.
Furthermore
,
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online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
since it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
often
advertises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
vouchers that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
perspective to not missed this offer.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
their daily needs easier, it can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose their money.
Therefore
, on balance, I remain
firmly
convinced that the merits
are eclipsed
by the demerits.
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IELTS essay Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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