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losing a contest because of the number of tickets you buy

losing a contest because of the number of tickets you buy jV85a
Today, at the Carnival Princess contest in town, I have the honor to be the reporter and photographer to catch the children happy moments; however, there is a story about Lurlena that makes me ponder on so much. Every kids dress nicely with their hair braided, pretty shoes and colorful princess skirt. They all seem extremely gorgeous and excited. The time passes by till the end of the contest and the winner has been honored. She has been praised and her parents are so proud of her, everyone gathers around her to celebrate this prize. Nevertheless, at the corner of the car park, in the back of the family car, a little girl with watery eyes, flushed cheeks and a bored face sits in and she is terribly sad for not being the winner. Her parents told me that she has made a wonderful attemp for this competition, spent all day preparing her new white dress and new shoes. But unfairly, the prize was give based on whose parents bought the most tickets and Lurlena’s parents could only afford eight dollars’ worth. This has made a children beauty contest became a wealth contest and the richest would be the winner. In conclusion, this story got an sadly messege about the money problem of adult that affect chidren.
Today
, at the Carnival Princess
contest
in town, I have the honor to be the reporter and photographer to catch the children happy moments;
however
, there is a story about
Lurlena
that
makes
me ponder on
so
much.
Every
kids dress
nicely
with their hair braided, pretty shoes and colorful princess skirt. They all seem
extremely
gorgeous and excited. The time passes by till the
end
of the
contest
and the winner has
been honored
. She has
been praised
and her
parents
are
so
proud of her, everyone gathers around her to celebrate this prize.
Nevertheless
, at the corner of the car park, in the back of the family car, a
little
girl with watery eyes, flushed cheeks and a bored face sits
in and
she is
terribly
sad for not being the winner. Her
parents
told
me that she has made a wonderful
attemp
for this competition, spent all day preparing her new white dress and new shoes.
But
unfairly
, the prize was give based on whose
parents
bought
the most tickets and
Lurlena
’s
parents
could
only
afford eight dollars’ worth. This has made a children beauty
contest
became a wealth
contest
and the richest would be the winner.
In conclusion
, this story
got
an
sadly
messege
about the money problem of adult that affect
chidren
.
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IELTS essay losing a contest because of the number of tickets you buy

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
217 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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