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Bullying in school is getting more significant. How can we tackle the problem

Bullying in school is getting more significant. How can we tackle the problem ljX09
Nowadays, the number of cases of bullying in school has dramatically increased. This significant social problem should be addressed. In this essay, I will explain the case and reason of bullying and provide some suggestions about this. This problem has occurred from several main causes, such as appearance of advanced modern technology, shortage of adult’s attention and high pressure society for young people. Firstly, advanced technology has allowed children to approach easily action movies or games which involve violent scenes. A considerable number of children tend to imitate this violent behaviour in real society. In addition, in some cases, they isolated themselves from the real world. This disconnection from social group has induced bullying. Secondly, parents and teachers now live under high pressure society. Therefore, they often do not have enough time to look after carefully their children or students. This ignorance leads to the lack of connection between instructors (parents and teachers) and young people. As a consequence, young people tend to not provide enough sufficient education about how to behaviour and how to live in harmony. Fortunately, there are several suggestions to deal with this social problem. Firstly, adults should arrange their time to educate and spend precious time with their children. Secondly, the government and local community should introduce strict regulations on action films and games to reduce the case of bullying. In addition, parents and teachers should also provide sufficient instruction to young children. To conclude, although the case of bullying in school has increased quickly over the last few decades, in my opinion, if people pay attention and put significant efforts on this issue, than the rate of the case will steadily decreased.
Nowadays, the number of cases of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bullying
in school has
dramatically
increased. This significant social problem should
be addressed
. In this essay, I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
the case and reason of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bullying
and provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
suggestions about this.

This problem has occurred from several main causes, such as appearance of advanced modern technology, shortage of adult’s attention and high pressure society for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Firstly
, advanced technology has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to approach
easily
action movies or games which involve violent scenes. A considerable number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
tend to imitate this violent
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in real society.
In addition
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, they isolated themselves from the real world. This disconnection from social group has induced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bullying
.
Secondly
, parents and teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
under high pressure society.
Therefore
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to look after
carefully
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
or students. This ignorance leads to the lack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
instructors (parents and teachers) and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. As a consequence,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to not provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
sufficient education about how to
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in harmony.

Fortunately
, there are several suggestions to deal with this social problem.
Firstly
, adults should arrange their time to educate and spend precious time with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and local community should introduce strict regulations on action films and games to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bullying
.
In addition
, parents and teachers should
also
provide sufficient instruction to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children.

To conclude
, although the case of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bullying
in school has increased
quickly
over the last few decades, in my opinion, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pay attention and put significant efforts on this issue, than the rate of the case will
steadily
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "decrease"
decreased
.
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IELTS essay Bullying in school is getting more significant. How can we tackle the problem

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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