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British Rates in China and the USA

British Rates in China and the USA bO7dY
Given linegraph reveals fertility rates in china and the usa. it is evident that both china and the usa saw considerable fluctuations between 1920 and 2000. China's birth rate started to grow from 10 percent in 1920. Around, 1935 it started to decline till 5 percent and rose till 15 percent. In 1945 it begun to increase gradually and hit a peak with 20 percent and decreased sharply till 1955 then till 2000 fertility rates decreased mildly. Meanwhile, th USA started around 10 percent and till 1940 birth rates fluctuated than it fell sharply till 4 percent because of World War 2. After the war the USA's birth rate increased sharply from 1945 and 1950. USA's fertility rate hit a peak around 1950 with 15 percent. Over the half century from 1950 till 2000 it decreased mildly till 7 percent. Therefore, although the US fertility rate generally higher than the birth rate of China especially after 1950 both birth rates followed a very similar trend.
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Given
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linegraph
reveals
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fertility
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rates
in
Capitalize this word if you mean the country, not white porcelain.
china
and the
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usa
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
is evident that both china and the
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usa
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saw
considerable fluctuations between 1920 and 2000.

China's
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birth
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rate
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started
to grow from 10
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percent
in 1920. Around, 1935 it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to decline till 5
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percent
and rose till 15
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percent
. In
The comma is probably missing here: "1945, it".
1945 it
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begun
to increase
gradually
and hit a peak with 20
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percent
and decreased
sharply
till 1955 then till 2000
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fertility
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rates
decreased
mildly
. Meanwhile,
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th
USA
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started
around 10
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percent
and till 1940
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birth
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rates
fluctuated than it fell
sharply
till 4
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percent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of World War 2. After the war the USA's
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birth
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rate
increased
sharply
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 1945 to 1950"?
from 1945 and 1950
. USA's
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fertility
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rate
hit a peak around 1950 with 15
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percent
. Over the half century
Nonstandard phrase. Did you mean: "from 1950 to 2000"?
from 1950 till 2000
it decreased
mildly
till 7
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percent
.
Therefore
, although the US
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fertility
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rate
generally
higher than the
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birth
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rate
of China
especially
after 1950 both
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birth
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rates
followed a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar trend.
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IELTS essay British Rates in China and the USA

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
165 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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