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Briefly discuss your extracurricular activities and/or work experiences.

Briefly discuss your extracurricular activities and/or work experiences. m8nRO
I used to have my own little store with my friend. At that time, we decided that we wanted to create a store where people could buy our products as gifts to their loved ones such an important festival as Christmas and New year. We named our store “ Glad. togive ” We sold a set of gift that provide 3 pieces of cookies with different flavors: plain, chocolate, and chocolate marshmallows, and 2 posters and 2 polaroid from my own design templates. By dividing duties, my friend is responsible for making the cookies. As for me, I am responsible for product packaging design, Instagram page, and sales system. We prepared the products for approximately 1 month to release our best goods. At that time, we were working hard and paying close attention to every step before our real product come out. Even though we were very exhausted, we were happy to work. When our goods released, we satisfied so much because our store received a fairly good response and interest form the students in the school. After this experience, I have learned many things about doing business that what each business has to face, such as managing financial statements, organizing in response to customers, and sustainable promotion of products. On order to bring the experience to develop my own work in the future. It was very enjoyable and valuable experience in my life.
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
with my friend. At that time, we decided that we wanted to create a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as gifts to their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones such an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
festival as Christmas and New year. We named our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
“
Glad.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
togive
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
”
We sold a set of gift that provide 3 pieces of cookies with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
flavors: plain, chocolate, and chocolate marshmallows, and 2 posters and 2
Possible spelling mistake found.
polaroid
from my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
design templates. By dividing duties, my friend is responsible for making the cookies. As for me, I am responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
packaging design, Instagram page, and sales system. We prepared the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
for approximately 1 month to release our best
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
. At that time, we were working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
and paying close attention to every step
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
our real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out.
Even though
we were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
exhausted, we were happy to work. When our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
released, we satisfied
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
store
received a
fairly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
response and interest form the students in the school.

After this experience, I have learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things about doing business that what each business
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
face, such as managing financial statements, organizing in response to customers, and sustainable promotion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. On order to bring the experience to develop my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
work in the future. It was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
enjoyable and valuable experience in my life.
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IELTS essay Briefly discuss your extracurricular activities and/or work experiences.

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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