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Blood sports have become a topic of debate

Blood sports have become a topic of debate xxy5a
The rendered circular representations depict the information about the fatality rate of six infectious diseases and deaths occurred by these diseases in Canada in 1900 and 1930. Overall, deaths caused by typhoid and diarrhoea drop down while deaths with other diseases inclined with the passage of time. Having a cursory glance on a chart, it is clear that in the beginning of the 20th century the highest percentage of mortality rate was recorded with 37% due to typhoid disease, however, the rate of demise due to this disease decline with 13% after three decades. Furthermore, the second highest fatality rate caused by
The rendered circular representations depict the information about the fatality
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rate
of six infectious
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diseases
and deaths occurred by these
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diseases
in Canada in 1900 and 1930.

Overall
, deaths caused by typhoid and
Possible spelling mistake. 'diarrhoea' is British English.
diarrhoea
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "drop".
drop down
while deaths with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
inclined with the passage of time.

Having a cursory glance on a chart, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that in the beginning of the 20th century the highest percentage of mortality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
was recorded
with 37% due to typhoid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
,
however
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
of demise due to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
decline with 13% after three decades.
Furthermore
, the second highest fatality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
caused by

IELTS essay Blood sports have become a topic of debate

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
101 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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