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blalbllslsfdsgthyjuhkliuyhtgrfedwdefrgthyju

blalbllslsfdsgthyjuhkliuyhtgrfedwdefrgthyju RyRVY
Digital age has brought many changes in the world. Young generation prefers to spend most of their free time watching TV and playing video games. Many believe such leisure might be harmful for children’s mental health. As far as I am concerned, these activities can affect mental health, however, it is all about parental control. First of all, it is important to notice that watching TV and playing video games can be helpful while improving social skills, building decision-making ability and developing the outlook. The majority of modern games are online, players connect and create teams. Therefore, teamwork and communication skills are developed. Children achieve knowledge through watching enlightening TV channels, for example, BBC and National Geographic. On the other hand, the habit of playing video games and watching TV can turn into addiction. Video game addiction may lead to anxiety, depression, and physical damages. Moreover, due to children’s fragile psyche, characters from television and video games could set a bad example to children. As a result, the kid becomes aggressive, unconscious and disconnects with parents. In conclusion, I believe that parental control over children’s entertaining activities is necessary. Without it, children are more vulnerable to the harmful effects of video games.
Digital age has brought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in the world. Young generation prefers to spend most of their free time watching TV and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe such leisure might be harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
mental health. As far as I
am concerned
, these activities can affect mental health,
however
, it is all about parental control.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to notice that watching TV and playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can be helpful while improving social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, building decision-making ability and developing the outlook. The majority of modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are online, players connect and create teams.
Therefore
, teamwork and communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are developed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
achieve knowledge through watching enlightening TV channels,
for example
, BBC and National Geographic.

On the other hand
, the habit of playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
and watching TV can turn into addiction.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Video
game addiction may lead to anxiety, depression, and physical damages.
Moreover
, due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
fragile psyche, characters from television and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
could set a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
example to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
As a result
, the kid becomes aggressive, unconscious and disconnects with parents.

In conclusion
, I believe that parental control over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
entertaining activities is necessary. Without it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are more vulnerable to the harmful effects of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
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IELTS essay blalbllslsfdsgthyjuhkliuyhtgrfedwdefrgthyju

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
202 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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